You Are Not Deserving
by CharacterFlaws
Summary: [AU] Good things happened to good people, good things happened to bad people, and bad things happened to Chazz. He was really, really tired of bad things only happening to him. Violence, mental illness, character death. Ensemble cast. Set after the Light of Destruction arc.
1. Chapter 1

CHAPTER 1

Chazz sat with his back to the window, looking around his dilapidated dorm room. He could hear the wind blowing through trees outside and the irritating chirps of birds. Students laughed, playing pick up duels outside and enjoying each other's company.

He was never completely certain why he had to buy friends, or why he wanted to in the first place. The Chazz didn't need real friends. What he had instead were Tori and the other one, who he never approached as actual people. They treated him as a wallet, so he treated them like a service. He never bothered to remember which he told what or which he did something with. Not that it mattered, they didn't correct him and he wouldn't have apologized if they had.

After one too many humiliations on his part, they started openly admitting to only hanging out with him because of his money — either oblivious to how the sentiment reflected on their respective characters or too preoccupied with making him look worse to care.

A lot of things changed in two years. Instead of being on top of the world in Obelisk Blue, he was at the bottom in Slifer. The queen beds and personal bathrooms gave way to cots and cockroaches. The ceiling leaked during heavy storms, warping the unfinished wood floors. This was his third year now, in this falling apart place. His expectations of working hard and getting the hell out faded long ago.

He knew every crack in the walls by heart, every thumbtack hole left by previous occupants. The lightbulb in his overhead light fixture had gone out at some point but he never bothered to change it. Instead he used a lopsided floor lamp with a cracked shade; it, at least, had been a part of his Obelisk decor before he had left for North Academy, and before Doctor Crowler had unceremoniously crammed his disgraced and disappeared pupil's possessions into a storage locker. Most of his other belongings were still in boxes piled around the room. Dirty clothes mixed with clean on the floor. Papers and battered cards littered his desktop.

The room was unbecoming for a Princeton, but it was perfect for _him_. He was Chazz the underachiever, Chazz the weak. Chazz the scrub. If his brothers could see him at this moment, in this filthy room wearing an unwashed black jacket that was unravelling at the seams, they'd wonder why they ever bothered to include him in their plans of world domination. This was always where he was going to end up; the world never liked him much, and for good reason.

No parents, raised instead by emotionally abusive brothers with infectious delusions of grandeur—of course he became a shithead. Entitled, supercilious, underhanded, he seemed to take to the role of Youngest Princeton well, at first. But once he got to Duel Academy, the manageable shit breeze became a perilous shit storm. Everything that could go wrong did, twice as bad as he thought possible. His bad luck would be impressive were it not so brutal.

He didn't notice anyone approaching his room until the doorknob twisted and a thump sounded from the other side of the wood when the lock caught.

"WHAT?" Chazz shouted angrily, his voice more hoarse than usual from disuse.

"It's me!"

"Fuck off." He put as much venom behind the words he could, but his strength faltered and his voice cracked slightly.

"Can I come in?"

"No. That's why the door is locked, idiot."

Shuffling feet. "Come on, I need to give something to you."

"I don't want it. Go away!"

"Come onnnnnnnn."

This was getting him nowhere. Sighing with resignation he stood, grabbing a random book from his bag and tossing it on the bed. _Movie magic. It's almost like I wasn't being a pathetic waste of life._

He threw the door open in a huff to reveal _the_ Jaden Yuki, the sole person he blamed for most of his problems. Wordlessly, he took a step back to invite the other boy inside.

"It's about time!" Jaden whined, stepping over a pile of garbage Chazz didn't recognize. "You know, it's a beautiful day out, you should really be doing your—" He snatched the book off the bed "—Duel Technique homework on the lawn. Didn't you take this class last semester?"

"You're here for a reason?"

"Yeah!" The Slifer's face lit up once again as he let the book fall out of his hands onto the duvet. "I pulled this card from a new booster pack today. It was made for you, dude!"

With much fanfare, he pulled a folded piece of yellow construction paper from his back pocket and held it up in the air. The two of them stood in silence for a moment before Jaden let out an embarrassed laugh. "Oops, wrong pocket!" Repeating the gesture, but from the other side and way more awkwardly since he was using his right hand to root in his left pocket, he presented what Chazz could distinguish was a trap card.

"The hell is this?" He demanded, snatching it from Jaden's hand.

"Read it, duh!" Jaden was visibly very excited about whatever dumb card he found, and Chazz anticipated tearing it in half right there if he couldn't make use of it, for no other reason than to see that annoying grin slide off his rival's face.

"Ojama Pajama," he read aloud. The artwork showed the Ojama trio eating junk food in a frilly pink bedroom. This card incorporated his schizophrenic deck strategy, using Ojamas to protect light machine monsters and Armed Dragons from destruction. He stared at the card, growing angrier with every passing moment. "This is the dumbest fucking thing I've ever seen."

"What? Chazz, it—"

"What use is this to anybody? No one else is going to manage to pull off these strategies together as flawlessly as I can even with this piece of shit and I" he waved the card in the air for emphasis, "am able to do it without some contrived piece of shit trap. This is a waste of ink and the space it took up in the pack. Now leave."

The other boy looked completely crestfallen. "I don't understand…" He blinked, taking a moment to think under Chazz's hateful glare. "Oh, I get it. There's a lot of text on that card."

Chazz balked. Swallowing the lump forming in his throat, he managed to force out a reluctant, "What?"

"Why don't you slip it into your deck so you can see how it works. Get your game on!"

"I know how to read."

Jaden laughed, "Of course you do! But sometimes you need to see a card in action."

"I don't want this stupid thing. Why the fuck would I want to duel you?"

"Um… to learn your new card?"

"Get."

"It'll be fun?"

"OUT!"

Before Jaden could say anything else that could give him an aneurysm, Chazz grabbed him by the upper arms and forced him outside onto the rotting boards of the balcony. He kicked the door shut behind him.

Chazz considered hurling that useless Duel Techniques book through the window, scaring away the birds that never shut the hell up. Instead, he reexamined the card still clutched tightly in his hand, slightly crushed and bent. He smoothed it out on the side of his black pants. It was a surprisingly decent card.

"Hey boss, you gonna put that in your deck?"

"No."

Ojama Yellow was taken aback. "Why not? It's perfect for you!"

"That's all fine and fucking great," Chazz hissed, his temper getting the better of him. "But I'm not going to give that asshat the satisfaction of seeing me play it."

"I don't get it, boss…"

Chazz scowled in the little _thing's_ direction, and it seemed to get the message to drop it. He was only glad the real Ojama brothers never dressed in anything as dumb as what they were wearing on the card, otherwise he'd figure out a way to make them sleep outside. If they slept. Where did they sleep?

With Yellow's bulbous eyes trained on him, he reached under the bed and pulled out the box he kept his Reject Well collection inside, stashing the card atop the pile of useless monsters before returning the box to its place.

"I'm going to bed," he mumbled, more to himself than the duel monster.

"But it's only eight—"

"Don't disturb me."

Climbing into bed fully clothed, Chazz knew he wasn't going to sleep for a very long time. His thoughts kept wandering back to the slacker. Why couldn't he get it through his thick head that Chazz didn't deserve the kindness he insisted on showing him?

Chazz snorted. _Deserve_. What does 'deserve' have to do with anything? He didn't believe in 'deserve.' Good things happened to bad people, good things happened to good people, and bad things happened to him.

That's just how it was.

Hours after the sounds of laughter finally died outside his window, he fell asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

Chazz sat alone in the Slifer cafeteria at his usual table in the corner nearest the door. It was as isolated as he was going to get in a room full of boys — fortunately all of whom knew better than to sit in one of the empty seats surrounding him. All except…

Jaden and Syrus plopped their trays down, Jaden immediately in front with of him while Syrus reluctantly took the next seat over. Chazz decided against looking up at them. Instead, he remained as still as before, hand wrapped around a mug of green tea and eyes fixed on a knot in the wood of the table that resembled a face with its mouth wide open in mock laughter.

"What's up?" Jaden's voice asked cheerfully. Chazz resented his high spirits despite the early hour. He always woke up feeling like he had a cold, head throbbing and throat sore, which he often tried to alleviate with hot tea and plenty of silence. The latter of which was always in short supply.

"Can it, moron." He ground out, then cringed. Speaking aloud hurt.

"Syrus and I were just talking about synchro summoning. Stuff is wack." Jaden continued, unperturbed.

The fingers around his mug tightened. "Where's the third one?"

"Hmm?" Chazz imagined Jaden confusedly turning to his friend. "Oh! Hassleberry's at a student council meeting planning for the school dance. You coming to class today?"

That _was_ the reason he got up when his alarm went off this morning. He missed the last two days and would love to skip another, but the idea of his grades slipping due to poor attendance motivated him just enough to leave the isolation of his room. "Yeah."

Syrus finally chimed in, in that annoying halting way he always used when addressing him. "Have… you been sick? Or something?"

"You gonna eat that?" Jaden interrupted, indicating Chazz's untouched tray of food.

"If I didn't have to look at you I might."

"Thanks, Chazz!" The tray slid across the table out of sight. After a moment of the three of them sitting uncomfortably with the slurps of Jaden's breakfast filling the space between them, he continued, "Do you want my tea?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Huh? I just thought you'd want it, since yours is almost gone. Sharing is caring!"

Chazz's dark eyes met Jaden's, the first contact he'd truly made with another person that day. "Shut the hell up or I'll shove those cheap chopsticks down your throat."

Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Syrus stop mid bite, looking back and forth between his table mates anxiously. Jaden, however, seemed completely unfazed. He shrugged slightly, then resumed eating Chazz's food despite having half his own meal sitting neglected beside it. "Have it your way."

Chazz stared a few seconds longer before returning his attention to the table. Eventually, conversation resumed between the other two, probably about something trivial he wouldn't dignify with eavesdropping. He was engrossed in scratching at the face in the wood with a fingernail.

 **"You should be used to being laughed at by now."**

His body spun in the direction of the too-familiar voice, knocking over the remains of his tea in the process.

"You okay, dude?"

Chazz turned on Jaden, furiously wiping up the spill he made with his own jacket sleeve. "I'm fucking great," he snapped, instantly quieting the cafeteria. Dozens of eyes bore dozens of holes into the back of his black jacket, pissing him off even more. Nevertheless, he kept his own trained on the brunette's bewildered face. "Just stop it, you useless slacker!"

"Uh… stop what?"

"Mind your own business!" With that he swiped the three food trays off the table and stormed out of the building, the sounds of stifled laughter following him.

xxx

Class went by without incident, although Chazz wished he'd gone back to his room for his books. And his essay for Duel Alchemy, which was now overdue. Whatever, that class didn't make sense anyway.

It was almost nightfall when he finally made his way to his favorite cliff to do some thinking — not about what happened in the cafeteria, he pointedly ignored the fuck out of that. He settled onto the hard ground, drawing his legs up to his chest and wrapping his arms tightly around them. Fortunately, the Ojamas saw fit to leave him alone today. For all their many faults, they seemed to know when he needed space. Other times, he _wanted_ space but they refused to give it to him, like the little bunch of nobodies knew what was best for him better than he did. He thought about Winged Kuriboh, wondering why Jaden was lucky enough to get one low-key duel spirit while he ended up with three loudmouths who were as hideous as they were ridiculous.

Before coming up to the cliff, he briefly considered going to the pier by the lighthouse. He used to like standing out there, surrounded by water, arms crossed in an imitation of Kaiser. But he was tired of trying to be like the former top student of Duel Academy. He was tired of trying to be a lot of things he wasn't.

When he was young, he aspired to be just like Koyo Hibiki. The professional duelist left such a deep impression on him before dueling was even considered something a person could do as a career. His brothers latched onto that, seeing him enthusiastic about something for the first time in his life. They bought him cards, took him to tournaments, showered him with affection when he won. When he grew up, Koyo began to strike him as unsophisticated and immature in his desire to always have fun, so he turned to Slade and Jagger instead. He'd be just like them: smart, successful, hard-working, and most importantly _superior._ When that came crashing down around him, he grasped at being anything else. The romantic. The antihero. The comic relief. The phoenix arising from the ashes of hell. The idiot who agreed to join a fucking _cult._

He turned in the direction of the freshly repainted Obelisk dorm. Treetops obscured the palatial structure from sight, but just like the reminders of all his other disappointments, it didn't need to be seen to be felt.

Every person he tried to be fucked up, failed, _lost_. This last time, however, he had the misfortune of bringing a lot of other people down with him.

The appearance of Alexis Rhodes walking up the hill made his breath catch. Her nail polish caught the diminishing sunlight as she adjusted the fit of her fingerless gloves. He looked away and paid her no mind until blue school-issued boots filled his vision.

"Up here, Chazz."

His eyes found their way to her face, which looked angry and strained. He sighed inwardly; he hoped the Spirit Key theft would be the last time she looked at him that way. "Do you need something?" He asked quietly, letting his gaze drift back down to the ground.

To his surprise, she sank to the grass next to him, propping herself up with one hand. He suddenly wanted to leave. "Why are you so down lately?" She asked, more softly this time.

Considering her question, he came to the conclusion that he wasn't sure. He knew he was tired of putting so much effort into what should be a simple act of being himself. Even when alone, he monitored his behavior, questioning whether he was doing the right things at the right time. After recognizing this propensity, he made every effort to find out who he was underneath it all, only to discover, to his dismay, there was nothing there.

Abruptly, he stood and started brushing dirt off his jacket. "See you, Alexis."

"Wait!" She jumped to her feet, snatching his hand in hers.

Looking down at the unwanted contact, he noticed with revulsion that their hands were the same size. _No wonder she never wanted to date me_ , he thought distantly, _not only am I her height but I have freakish womanly hands._

 _"_ It's great that you find the autumn sunset so romantic and all but I—" He yanked himself free from her grasp for emphasis, "have better things to do. Like literally anything else."

Alexis stared at him in shock, not used to being spoken to that way by her former stalker. To her credit, she quickly recovered from his harsh tone. "Look, I-I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't expect you to open up to me when I've done nothing but treat you… badly. But you've been so withdrawn lately, more than usual and… I miss having you around, Chazz. I regret sincerely if I ever made you think otherwise."

Guilt ripped through his chest. Fuck, he hadn't meant to make her _apologize_ to him _._ With great effort, Chazz managed to sound as much like his old self as possible. "No, Lexi." The nickname barely made its way out of his mouth. "I'm fine, I just missed your lovely company. Can I do something for you?"

"Actually, you can." She clasped her hands behind her, giving him a grin he would have found adorable months ago. "Would you let me take you to the dance?"

"Those student council losers didn't organize a weird Sadie Hawkins dance like they have in America did they?"

Her smile tightened but didn't fade. "What? No. I want to go with you and figured you weren't going to approach me sooo… _I'm_ asking _you._ "

"…Oh. Yes." He responded dumbly.

She relaxed her face in relief. "Great! I'm really looking forward to this, Chazz."

With that, she turned and started back the way she came. He stood there for a moment, nausea pulling at his stomach, before realizing something important. "Hey, Lex? When is the dance?"

Alexis spun around, giggling. "Friday."

"And… what day is today?"

"Wednesday."

He nodded.

"Bye, Chazz."

"Bye, Lexi." He returned his attention to the ocean below, watching the moonlight dance across the waves.

xxx

Alexis sat comfortably under a tree, enjoying the shade it provided from the warm sun above. She felt content as she looked through her deck, trying to determine which card she should remove to get her main deck back to a desirable forty cards. There wasn't anything wrong with forty-one, but she preferred keeping everything tight and her chances of drawing exactly what she needed high. When she reached Swing of Memories, she paused briefly, a small smile on her lips. She loved the card, loved her frustrating older brother for giving it to her despite having equal use for it in his own deck. It had meant the world when he gifted it to her for her birthday just before he left for Duel Academy, face bright with pride as he handed her a lilac-colored envelope with her name written across it in gorgeous lettering.

She was reflecting on how she should really make more time to spend with Atticus when footsteps interrupted her musings. She lifted her head to see Jaden beaming and carrying more books than he usually had with him in his arms.

"Hi," she greeted warmly. "What are all those for?"

"Oh, just doing some good deeds. You know how it is."

Alexis nodded, she did know. Jaden was always going out of his way for other people and she admired him greatly for it. "Are you bringing homework to someone?"

"Yep!" He replied cheerfully, carefully setting the stack of books on the grass and taking a seat next to her. "Speaking of helping out friends, I have a favor to ask."

"I'll see what I can do."

"Well, I don't know if you've noticed, but Chazz has been really down lately."

"Has he?" Ever since the Society of Light business, he effectively left her alone. She wasn't certain if he felt guilty or his little crush on her had run its course, or both. Either way, she was happy to have some peace from his… overwhelming attention.

Jaden shrugged, toying with a leaf. "He spends most of his time in his room, doesn't duel except for class, and then there was this morning…"

"Oh yeah," She heard about that from Syrus. "He freaked out and yelled at you, right? Sounds like him being a weirdo spazz like usual."

"No, it was different. He's… been different."

She sighed, already regretting what she was about to ask. "And what is this favor you want from me?"

Her companion perked up. "I was hoping you could talk to him! He likes you. I never see him so animated as when you're around."

That hasn't been true for a while, she thought to herself. Rolling her eyes, she replied, "And then what, ask him to the dance?"

"Would you? That would be so swell! Thanks so much, Alexis! I knew I could count on you!" With that, he shot up, collected his books, and practically skipped away.

Alexis's day was officially soured. She should really know better than to be sarcastic around the forever naive Jaden Yuki. Chazz was a complete weasel and she had no interest in spending any appreciable amount of time with him. While good looking in an oddly feminine sort of way, he was too scrawny and moody for her personal tastes. For anyone's tastes, probably. Regardless, she supposed she'd have to ask him now. Jaden was expecting her to, and she hated disappointing Jaden more than she hated being around Chazz. She owed him so much, especially for rescuing her from the Society of Light. _It's settled_ , she decided. _I'll be nice to the snobby goth kid, just this once. For Jaden._


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

Going to the dance with Alexis Rhodes should have been a wish come true, but the whole situation reeked of obligation, definitely on his part and probably on Alexis' as well. He couldn't imagine a scenario that would make the Obelisk girl choke down her dislike long enough to publicly go on a date with him.

Making his way down the winding dirt road, he considered his options. Mostly, it came down to two: he could cancel and hope her intentions weren't pure so her feelings wouldn't get hurt, or go and most likely disappoint her. Or embarrass her. Or do any number of things he tended to do that ruined anything good he accidentally stumbled into.

 _There really should be some kind of light out here_ , he thought to himself after tripping over yet another large dark object in his path. The sky was almost pitch black, with virtually no stars and only a hazy half moon. He stayed out a lot longer than intended, so he'd need to make a late night out of it if he intended to get any homework done.

Which he did.

Probably.

He was almost to the stairs when he noticed Hassleberry rounding the corner of the Slifer building, evidently coming from the basement where laundry services and the other facilities were located.

"Soldier," Hassleberry nodded, somehow managing to make the greeting sound formal in an oxymoronic kind of way.

"Dumbass." Chazz returned, crossing his arms.

"The Sarge left some things in your room, told me to tell ya if I saw ya. Also," he rooted around in the binder Chazz just noticed he was carrying, "heard through the grapevine you're going to the dance. Here's information about it. Dress code, that sort of thing."

"Dress code?" He snorted. Everyone was probably going to wear their uniforms like they always did, even on the weekends. He was confident most of the students here didn't own anything else.

"Forgot who I was talking to," Giving Chazz's tattered jacket a pointed look, Hassleberry turned on his heel and was on his way to wherever the hell he went when not following Jaden like a lost puppy.

He glanced down at the paper before deciding he didn't care. It crumpled easily in his hand despite the thick card stock used. He shoved it into his pocket to fester with all the other garbage he collected there and climbed the stairs to the second floor.

His room was mostly as he left it, dark and disorganized, except for a new pile of books that teetered dangerously on one corner of his cluttered desk. The thought of that idiot in his dorm while he was away made him growl in irritation. He really, _really_ needed to start locking the door.

The top book ended up being the exact one he needed to complete today's homework from Professor Stein. Plopping down angrily in the desk chair, he fully intended to start working. If he didn't start soon, he likely wouldn't get any sleep. However, he found himself unable to do anything but glare at the cover.

"Stupid slacker, putting more effort into making sure someone else does their homework than doing his own," he seethed, barely able to contain the anger. What was that guy's deal anyway? He knew Chazz wanted nothing to do with him, he _had_ to know. So why was he always doing things for him? Trying to do things _with_ him? For fuck's sake, Chazz literally spat on Jaden once and that didn't stop him from wiping it off his cheek and making some pun about it that didn't make sense while doing finger guns. Who the fuck did finger guns?

With that bizarre thought as the last straw, Chazz picked up the stack of books and threw them across the room as hard as he could. Their pages flipped erratically in the air before they crashed into the wall and landed scattered across the floor.

He sat there in silence, gripping the edges of his desk until his fingers hurt. This was when he should try calming down. It probably didn't help that, rather than meditating or counting to ten — or anything pop psychologists teach people to do — he kept replaying every annoying thing Jaden Yuki ever did.

Fuck, all this tooth grinding was going to ruin his expensive orthodontic work.

Finally, Chazz took a deep breath and stood, making the connection of orthodontics to brushing his teeth in preparation of some much-needed shuteye. Set on this new course of action, he started toward the door when his boot landed on one of books he'd thrown. It slid several feet with him on it, before slipping out from under him. His hands failed to catch him as his skull rushed toward the floor. _Thud_.

He didn't move. Instead, he let the _intense goddamn throbbing_ in his head distract him from any homicidal ideation he may have previously experienced. When he finally opened his eyes, he saw a black shadow moving out of the corner of his bleary eyes.

 _Good_ , he thought. I probably have a _FUCKING concussion._

"Boss?" Ojama Yellow lowered himself a safe distance near Chazz's shoulder. "Did you hurt yourself?"

"I didn't need to, the floor did that on its own." He snarled.

"You seem like you're in a bad mood, boss" Ojama Black observed. "Maybe you should lie down."

"I _am_ lying down."

"You could make some tea! You seem to really like tea lately—"

Chazz slammed his fist on the floor, probably looking completely ridiculous in his current state. "I DON'T NEED YOUR INPUT."

Silence.

He wanted badly to check for blood in the mirror, get over his pride and follow the Ojamas' advice. Unfortunately, he already yelled at them for offering it so now his hands were tied. That didn't make sense, but he just suffered a head injury. Plus, out of all the things he ever claimed to be, wise was not among them. So the dirty, uncomfortable floor is where he stayed until his eyelids fluttered shut.

xxx

He wore his Obelisk blue uniform as he pushed past faceless students until reaching Tori and the other guy. They turned toward him as soon as they came into focus, ready to listen to what he had to say.

"Where the fuck have you two been?" He demanded, stopping abruptly in front of them with a scowl twisting his features. His hands balled up in fists, ready to strike if anyone sufficiently pissed him off.

Tori hesitated. "Sorry, Chazz. We didn't mean to upset you."

"You didn't _upset_ me," Chazz yelled in his inexplicably southern face. "You—"

Just then, a whistling filled Chazz's head, and he fell to his knees clutching at his temples. Tori and the other Obelisk went down as well. The whistling kept growing louder, filling every inch inside his skull with pain and sound. He squeezed his eyes shut, unable to do much of anything else.

After what felt like an eternity, a pair of hands gripped his wrists and pulled him up. Jaden Yuki's soft brown eyes met Chazz's dark gray. He was saying something, but Chazz couldn't hear him. He wanted to take his hands back, cover his ears.

Jaden seemed to realize Chazz couldn't hear him, so he pulled him across the room, away from the other boys. Suddenly, the whistling began to fade, but now sounds were muffled, like it had damaged his hearing. Jaden was telling him it was coming from those two — he pointed for emphasis — and if they separated they'd be fine.

Chazz turned his head languidly over to his… the other two, in a daze. He felt like he was underwater. Jaden slowly led him into his Obelisk dorm room, next door from where they were. The room was dark, but sufficiently illuminated by lights outside that he could see several people were strewn about, some in chairs, some sitting on the floor. His vision swimming, he turned to see Jaden had left him alone with them.

"Get out." He heard himself say to the faces he didn't recognize. His voice came out like it was buried, almost inaudible to himself. "Get out!" He repeated, and he could almost hear it that time. "GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT!"

The strangers looked at him like he was crazy, but obeyed. Slowly, they stood from their places and walked single file out of the room. The last one closed the door behind him.

Still feeling weird and perplexed, Chazz went over to the bedside table to turn on the lamp. Everything looked gauzy under the warm light. With unsteady feet, he walked to the foot of the bed and laid down.

It took him a moment to realize the light was off.

He sat up, panicked. The room was darker than before. He trained his dizzy eyes on the lamp, located next to a window with sheer white curtains pulled shut.

A black silhouette watched him from the other side of the window.

"Ja—" He called, but his voice faltered. An overwhelming sense of dread filled his chest. He tried again and again, but nothing came out of his throat.

xxx

Opening his eyes, he was relieved to find himself on the floor of his Slifer dorm room. Relieved might be the wrong word, but after that dream he would accept it as close enough. He rolled over onto his back, testing the arm he'd fallen asleep on. It was horribly sore, but nothing a few stretches couldn't fix.

The clock on his desk, hidden partially under some papers he'd long forgotten about, read 4:21 am.

 **"Pleasant dreams?"**

His eyes snapped in the direction of the same voice he'd heard in the cafeteria.

Once again, nothing was there.

xxx

He stood in the shower, water beating down on his bruised temple and giving him a slight headache. There didn't appear to be permanent damage done, at least, so no visits to Miss Fontaine were necessary.

He still felt like shit, though.

Memories of the dream kept him awake most of the night. Something about it kept nagging the back of his mind, and it was proving damn hard to forget.

The intense dread kept coming back. Right when he thought he'd staved it off, it started creeping around in his chest again. It was distracting, to say the least. Devastating to say the most.

He didn't ask the Ojamas about what he heard. They might not have even been around, and he was pretty sure he didn't want to know what they'd say. That left only one choice.

Suppress it.

He inhaled deeply, leaning his head farther back into the cascading water. Suppressing shit was something he could do. Has been doing for years now. Just… suppress…

His knees stung as they hit the faux porcelain floor. That was going to bruise later. He held his breath in an attempt not to cry, but hot tears traced their way down his cheeks anyway.

Goddammit. This was not suppression. This is the exact opposite of suppression. Although, he figured it was just a matter of time before he failed that too.

Always fucking _failing_.

He was beginning to think that if he were his own brother, he would have disowned him too. If only it were possible to disown oneself. He should look into that. For now, he needed to deal with this stereotypical nervous breakdown in this very public men's shower room. Anyone could walk in and see what a mess he was, and then they'd somehow get an even lower opinion of him than they already had. Then they could tell other people about it, and the entire school would alternate between taking pity on him and ridiculing him, just like in first year.

All because some asshole couldn't hear weeping in the showers and leave well enough alone.

Chazz really _really_ hated this hypothetical person.

He latched onto that anger. Anger was familiar, unlike crying into a bathroom floor. So what if he'd done that once or twice already? He didn't make a habit out of it and that's what mattered right now.

Composing himself, he stood up and shut off the water.

 _I should be good to go until next year_.

That sounded fine.

With renewed energy, he swiftly got dressed and went back to his room. There, he did the most sensible thing he'd done in a very long time. He went to his bedside table and opened up the drawer, revealing three bottles of pills. One was Aspirin, for the headaches his fellow Slifers frequently gave him. Another was a common anti-psychotic Slade posted after the school nurse sent word to him that Chazz had been caught yelling at thin air several times and the faculty was growing concerned. He wasn't sure how his brother obtained a psychiatric prescription for him without personally speaking to a therapist first, but sometimes being rich got people things they really shouldn't have.

His fingers wrapped around the third bottle. A quick look at the label told him the expiration date long passed, but who knew what the fuck that meant with regard to pills? Not him.

He swallowed his antidepressant without water and placed the bottle back in the drawer.

Today, he remembered to sort through his bag to get rid of any books that didn't belong and replace them with some that did. He had a few minutes left to finish his homework, which he just managed to get done. He grabbed it and his late paper then headed off to the main building.


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4

The dance was a mistake.

Not just coming to it, although that was definitely true. The whole thing was a shoddily thrown together project a few students came up with less than a week ago. Shepherd needed to work on his tendency to let the students make major decisions like this on a whim. For example, the misguided suggestion to expel the loser of a dorm change duel.

Chazz stood along one wall, arms crossed over his chest, frowning at the room in front of him. Hassleberry and his band of idiots had to hold the dance in the Obelisk ballroom since there was nowhere else to do it on such short notice. Every other potential location needed too much cleaning out. The Obelisk ballroom… was not fitting for the pop music presently blaring out of some speakers a student loaned the school for the evening. The high walls, chandelier, and dramatic curtains all contrasted sharply with primary colored balloons carelessly thrown on the floor and the plastic punch bowls lined up on one table they put a white tablecloth on for some reason. That thing was going to get so stained.

It probably had a really high thread count too.

The event was evidently advertised as "semi-formal," although he had been absolutely correct in assuming everyone would just come in their uniforms. He sure as hell didn't change his clothes for this.

The rest of the group made their way over to him, through the throngs of uninvested students kind of milling about. He was hoping they'd just get distracted and forget he was over here, ignoring the fact he could have simply left while they were getting Duel Academy brand juice.

"Don't worry, Chazz," Jaden told him as soon as they were in earshot of each other. "Hassleberry says that once the chaperones get tired and leave, this place is going to go wild!"

"I never doubted it."

Alexis rolled her eyes and turned to Bastion and Syrus, "They worked really hard on this, everything looks great." She said a little too loudly.

Bastion nodded in agreement. "Yes but I do think they would have benefitted magnificently from a different venue. I think this one is making some of the students a tad uncomfortable."

Chazz looked down at Syrus, noticing he was one of whom Bastion was referring. "Nerd's right. Some people know their place."

"Chazz!" Alexis chastised, but Jaden interrupted before she could say anything more.

"The music selection is picking up!" He laughed, scratching the back of his neck. "Maybe we should dance for a bit."

Alexis stared at him a moment then turned back to Chazz, smiling at him.

"Do you want to dance with me?" She asked, holding out her hand the exact second a slow song came over the speakers. The blue lights from the disco ball spun around her, casting her face in light one moment and dark shadow the next. It was beautiful.

"The Chazz doesn't dance."

"I bet he does," she teased.

He cast a quick glance at the others, who appeared to be engaged in their own conversation, swaying slightly to the music. "Fine."

Taking her warm hand in his, he led the girl of his dreams to the dance floor. Couples had converged in the center, directly under the twinkling chandelier, dancing like amateurs. Taking a place near the outer fringes, Chazz wrapped one arm around Alexis' waist and held the other in the air like his instructor taught him in grade school, before he went to duel prep. With a straight back, he took a step forward with his right foot to open with a simple box step.

Alexis followed suit, satisfying him that she wasn't a beginner, although with enough hesitation to keep his moves slow and methodical.

A few minutes passed like this, the two of them paying more attention to their footing and technique than each other's company. When she lifted her eyes to his, which had been fixed in the mid-distance, she laughed quietly. "I knew you'd be able to dance."

He shrugged. In spite of all the physical contact they were making, he felt remarkably cold. Aside from freezing — did they leave the goddamn air conditioning on? It was a pleasant autumn night — he didn't feel much of anything except a little bored.

"When did you learn?"

Chazz's hands fell down to his sides. "A while ago."

"You're quite good."

"I need to go over there." Without another word, he spun around and walked toward the large, ornate double doors leading outside. He was about ready to break into a run when Jaden, followed by a reluctant Jesse Anderson, stepped in front of his path.

"You can't leave yet," Jaden whined, blocking his escape. "Professor Sartyr just left and he was the last teacher!"

"And?"

"And Atticus said everyone needs to drink his homemade punch. Something about spikes."

Chazz looked over at Jesse, who appeared equally dumbfounded. "Um, Jaden, I need to tell ya something about that…" The Obelisk student started, biting his lower lip.

"Spikes, Chazz! Like your head."

Chazz shook his spiky head to clear it. Then he nodded in acquiescence. Damn, too many mixed signals. "Yeah, okay," he finally clarified.

He'll have some punch.

xxx

An hour and what had to be an impressive liquor supply later made a huge difference in the crowd's energy. Students filled every inch of available dance floor space, dancing wildly with their friends and leaving clear plastic cups in unusual places. One found its way onto a wall-mounted candelabra, and Syrus had been handed one by a Ra student he'd never seen before. Like the little bitch he was, he took the cup and held onto it, refusing to set it down because there was still liquid inside and they might come back for it.

Chazz sat on the floor beside the small useless boy, Bastion, and Mindy, nursing his second cup of punch and staring at the fabric covering his knees. He didn't join in their conversation though. Instead he found himself returning to the same frame of mind as two days prior, the one he'd avoided by playing a ridiculous amount of catch up on his studies. The same frame of mind that reminded him of the bruises under his pants. He was pretty unhappy about that.

Over a year ago, he stole the Spirit Keys and almost started the apocalypse to gain Alexis' affection. Today, he was glad he'd somehow lost her in the crowd. It was difficult not to keep harping on how much he would have given to have this night happen back then, when it would have meant something. Now the whole affair felt like a mockery of how little anything mattered. How empty he felt inside.

He became aware of the presence of another person standing next to him to the left, leaning against the wall. He didn't bother to look up to see who it was. If it were Jaden he'd hear about it soon enough, and anyone else would eventually get bored and leave.

When a lot of nothing happened with this intruder of personal space, Chazz returned his thoughts to his other thoughts. Yep, that was definitely a headache forming.

There were a lot of things that used to make up his world that he sometimes went weeks without remembering. Winning duels. Proving his abilities. World domination for some reason. Being the top student of his class. The Obelisk prestige. Obnoxious wealth. Even generating a list of his former passions was proving more difficult than it should be. What did he care about today? There wasn't much, outside the more immediate desire to be alone but not to leave the punch that was presently keeping him where he was.

Speaking of the punch, he felt a little weird. Wasn't there something on that pill bottle about not mixing it with alcohol?

"Peptides like leu-enkephalin," Bastion was explaining to Mindy, who was leaning forward and nodding emphatically. "And other protein-based hormones. Those are called psychic tears, or emotional crying."

"I always thought they were just water." She took a sip of her drink, scooting closer to her conversation partner. "You're like, really smart."

"Yes, well…"

She quieted him by placing a hand on his thigh. "Really…" she leaned closer. "Really…" their faces were only inches apart now. "Smart…"

Chazz regretted immensely tuning into the conversation as Mindy closed the gap, kissing Bastion deeply on the lips. Bastion reciprocated, albeit awkwardly. Hums and lips smacking together filled the immediate air, just loud enough to be heard over the music. They were touching each other's faces now, Bastion's hand cupping Mindy's chin delicately. Christ, they were still going at it.

"Yep, no problem!" Syrus said from a few feet away, paying the scene next to him no mind.

"You're a lifesaver, this punch is really good," one of the few female Ra Yellow students gushed. "I would have been devastated if you set it down and lost it."

"I wouldn't dream of it."

"Thanks again!" She took her cup of delicious punch and dance-walked her way back to her group of friends.

No longer burdened with keeping another person's property safe, Syrus got up and headed in the direction of the bathrooms with purpose, leaving Chazz with the newly formed couple that was apparently attached at the face.

Cringing, he stood up immediately crashed into an Obelisk student he was distantly acquainted with. Being the smaller of the two by quite a bit, he fell backwards onto the floor. Again.

"Oh, sorry," The other boy muttered, offering a hand to help him up.

Chazz immediately slapped it away. "Watch where the fuck you're going!"

"You don't need to be a douchebag about it."

"And you don't need to be an idiot, but here we are." He stood on his own with some difficulty. The fall was jarring and the side effects of mixing medication with alcohol were returning full force. He desperately needed to let his stomach settle, but he had more important things to do. Like yell at this guy. "Now back off."

Recognition crossed the Obelisk's face. "Hey, I know you. You're that Princeton freak."

"Freak?" Chazz repeated, highly offended. Did people really think of him that way? "I'm not the one drinking punch out of a goddamn wine glass."

"I'm keeping it classy, unlike some people."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

The boy smirked, taking a sip of his low quality juice spiked with even lower quality vodka. Not that they knew it was vodka. It was, though. "You're from one of the wealthiest families in Japan but you dress like a depressed homeless person. Your deck is composed of cards that you either found on the ground or were given to you, and it shows because it's complete shit. Also, you're a Slifer slacker who hasn't won a duel in a year."

"I won the Genex Tournament."

"Like anyone still cares about that."

Chazz cared, that was one of his few accomplishments. To emphasize this point, he raised his fist but the other boy was faster. The hit caught Chazz on the side of the face. Liquid spilled over the floor as glass shattered into his left eye, cutting through skin. He winced and staggered back.

"FUCK."

The pain was immense. His hands flew to his eye to stop the bleeding as the Obelisk stormed away from him. Who the hell punched someone with a wine glass? More importantly, how did he manage to pick a fight with the only person in the room without one of those dumb plastic cups? At least if he'd been hit with one of those there wouldn't be blood interlacing between his fingers from his goddamn _eyeball_.

"Are you alright, Chazz?" Bastion was beside him, taking Chazz's elbow in his hand and turning him gently to get a better look at the damage. The resulting grimace was not encouraging. "You need to see Miss Fontaine. Now."

"Really?" Chazz snapped, jerking away from him. "How many books did you need to read to figure _that_ out?"

With that, he started what would be a long journey to the nurse's office. He was almost to the doors when a popular J-pop song came on over the speaker. Something made him turn around, despite the blinding pain.

The first thing he noticed was Mindy pulling Bastion toward a flood of students gyrating to the music. Meanwhile Syrus listened with interest as Axel talked animatedly, as though he was telling a compelling story, while Jesse stood off to the side nodding in knowing agreement. Chazz moved his good eye across the carefree partygoers in the room until it landed on Alexis and Jaden, dancing together clumsily but cheerfully. Finally, he saw Hassleberry atop the ballroom stairs watching over the scene with a look of contentment on his face at how well the event he organized was going, apparently oblivious to the serious injury one of the attendees received.

They were having a perfect Friday night.

Chazz gritted his teeth, tasting copper. He was really, _really_ tired of bad things only happening to him.


	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5

"I think the eyepatch looks cool."

"Your opinions are usually wrong." Chazz snarled back. "I summon Ojama Black in defense mode and play one card face down."

Today was his first day back in class after nearly a week. Miss Fontaine quickly determined that the Duel Academy was not equipped for removing a large foreign object from a person's eye, so he needed to be transported to a hospital on the nearest coast. There, he received stitches along his forehead and cheek, and underwent surgery to remove the glass and to close up the lacerations in the eye itself. He was then given antibiotics and painkillers before being fitted with an eye patch and sent back to school, much to the chagrin of his brothers who wanted him to stay home so they could monitor his healing. Like he couldn't avoid infection by himself. It was still too early to tell if his vision would be permanently impaired.

"My turn! I draw!" Jaden's field was empty thanks to the Chthonian Blast card Chazz activated last turn when his XY Dragon Cannon was destroyed by Jaden's Elemental Hero Neos. "I summon Spark Man in attack mode. Attack Ojama Black with static shock! Your move, Chazz."

He drew. "I activate Call of the Haunted, bringing Ojama Black back from the graveyard. Then I play Polymerization, fusing Ojamas Green, Black, and Yellow to form Ojama King in defense mode. Turn end."

"I draw!" Jaden grinned down at his card. "I activate Spark Blaster and equip it to my Spark Man. With this card, I can change the battle position of any face up monster on the field and I choose Ojama King."

Well, fuck.

"Spark Man, attack!"

Chazz's life points fell to zero as Doctor Crowler saddled up next to him.

"And that's game!"

"Very good, very good. Mister Yuki, you get an A minus. Your use of A Hero Emerges was sloppy. And Mister Princeton…" Crowler regarded Chazz with mild disgust. "You get a C plus. Work on fusion monster effect activation. Perhaps you'd also benefit from a remedial course on deck building."

"There's nothing wrong with my deck," Chazz growled at his professor.

"Of _course_ there's not. Now run along and let higher ranking students use the arena."

"Thanks, teach!" Jaden bound across the stage and wrapped an arm around Chazz's shoulders. "Good game!"

He shrugged out of Jaden's grasp and headed back to his seat in the mostly empty duel arena. "Don't touch me."

Crowler turned to his class with a clipboard in his hand. "Dimitri Kagurazaka and Brier Kohara please come up for your field skills examination!"

"Oh come on," Jaden followed closely behind Chazz through the rows of seats, as incognizant of his desire to be alone as always. "Do you want to work on the assignment together?"

"No."

"Why didn't you draw Ojama Pajama? That would have helped out big time."

Chazz plopped down angrily in a seat in the very back row, as far away from the other students as possible while still remaining in the section allocated for Crowler's seminar. No one was paying much attention to the duels, instead taking advantage of the free time to chat and finish homework for other classes. On the platform below, Dimitri summoned Blue Eyes White Dragon and ordered it to attack Brier's defense position Half-Goblin.

"You're a third rate duelist with a fourth rate deck!" Dimitri shouted at his opponent.

"I didn't put it in my deck." Chazz replied, removing the duel disk from his arm and tossing it carelessly into the seat next to him before Jaden could sit in it.

"What?" Jaden picked up the duel disk and placed it on his own lap, hurt. "But I gave that to you. I know you didn't like it very much at the time but I figured you'd change your mind when you saw how much of a difference it could make."

Dimitri scoffed from the arena stage. "If I had a dime for every useless card you ever played I'd be even richer."

"Stop it!" Brier screamed at him. "You're here on scholarship!"

Chazz snatched his duel disk back from Jaden, tempted to hit him with it. "Make a difference in what exactly, slacker?"

"Um…" Jaden gulped loudly, possibly noticing for the first time how sharp the edges of the school issued equipment looked. "Well, you could probably avoid taking that remedial class if you used more cards like it. You know, to boost cooperation between your strategies?"

Chazz rounded on Jaden, glaring at him. "How _charitable_ of you to offer to teach me how to play Duel Monsters."

"I just—"

"You win a few duels and suddenly you know better than everyone who attended duel prep for three years, right?"

"Chazz, calm down—"

"Maybe you could teach me how to use Elemental Heroes just like you, and cheat half the time because you can't bother to read the _fucking_ text for Bubble Man's special effect despite having _two_ good eyes. _And_ have no one bother to correct you because you're the stupid hero!"

With that revealing display of frustration, he stood and brushed past the object of his disdain and headed towards the nearest exit. He already received his unfair grade for _his_ match, there was no point in sticking around to watch a pair of Ra twerps go at each other's throats. What was Crowler going to do, lower his shitty C plus more? It wouldn't matter at this point if he did. Besides, the professor had his hands full with the present field test, which was taking a turn for the violent.

"Attack, my dragons, with white lightening!"

"Where did you even get three Blue Eyes I thought they were supposed to be rare!?" Brier's voice ripped through the auditorium.

"There are only three in the world." Dimitri responded proudly.

"Are you using counterfeit cards, you psycho?" Brier threw down his hand and stormed across the arena. "Give me those!"

The sounds of a struggle were audible from the hallway. Chazz was absofuckinglutely not going to take some remedial class because a bunch of dumbasses couldn't understand his deck strategy. He _liked_ the challenge of having multiple win conditions, of seeing his opening hand and strategizing based on what he got. He also liked being so difficult to counter, because he could switch tactics on a whim. So what if he bricked worse than any other student at the Academy? When the deck worked it was magnificent. It wasn't his fault his luck was complete garbage.

But fine. If it would keep his grades up he'd just have to add in a few new cards.

xxx

Chazz spent the rest of the morning at the Reject Well. He found a number of cards to potentially add to his deck, including another copy of Ojama Pajama which he would put in his deck before the one that slacker had given him. As he walked through the main building's corridors, he read his new acquisition's effects. Ojamassimilation was a good spell card to support light machine fusion monsters. The card he was most interested in, however, was Armed Dragon Catapult Cannon. It would be a bitch to summon but he was confident he could pull it off before graduation.

Shoving the cards in his pants pocket, he noticed Bastion sitting on the floor against the window scribbling furiously in a notebook. Without fully understanding why, Chazz's feet carried him over to the Ra student, kicking his backpack out of the way so he could sit on Bastion's left.

Bastion looked up in surprise. "Oh hello, Chazz."

He grunted.

"Did you just get back today?"

"Yes." Small talk got on his nerves. "Answer a question."

"Oka—"

"You remember our last duel?"

"The one that brought me into the Society," Bastion nodded thoughtfully. "Of course. What about it, Chazz? Do you?"

Chazz paused. "I remember before it."

"Yes." Bastion cleared his throat. "Not my finest moment, I have to admit. I suppose I felt like everyone was surpassing me. I entered the Academy with top marks and dueling skills to rival most Obelisks—" He glanced over at Chazz tensely. "—but by the end of second year I hadn't accomplished much. Like my potential was squandered."

Chazz waited for him to continue. When the other boy didn't, he waved a hand impatiently.

Bastion got the hint. "Um… I wanted to feel vital, like I wasn't some side character in a much bigger story. What is me telling you this accomplishing, may I ask?"

The alarm on Chazz's PDA went off. "Fuck's sake."

He began rooting around in his pocket for it, throwing the cards onto the floor in front of him in the process. Finally, he turned off the alarm and went about looking through his bag. This was proving to be a huge pain in the ass.

Bastion watched with discomfort as Chazz pulled out his antibiotic eye drops and painkillers. When the black-clad boy pushed the eye patch up and tilted his head back, Bastion leaned forward to pick up the cards and looked through them.

"You're adding some cards to your deck I see?"

"Mmhm."

"My word, your deck changes as often as you do."

Chazz bit the inside of his cheek. "Says the idiot who hasn't bought a new card in almost a year."

"Each one of my decks is a self-contained, delicate ecosystem!"

"Pfft. Whatever."

Chazz shoved the eye drops into a hole in the side of his bag and tested his damaged eye. Everything was really blurry and the light caused too much pain to keep it open very long. He hoped another surgery wouldn't be necessary; one of the doctors informed him that sometimes these types of injuries would require several before the eye could function properly.

"How's the eye, may I ask?"

"I have stitches in my eye," Chazz shot back, popping an anti-inflammatory into his mouth. "And it hurts like a bitch."

"Yes, I read that corneal lacerations could be quite painful. You were unfortunate that Daigo Sorano was holding that glass during your altercation."

 _Daigo Sorano._ Chazz gave Bastion a sideways glance before he slipped the eyepatch back in place. Coming over here was stupid, he concluded. He wasn't even sure what he was trying to accomplish talking to this nerd, other than getting a migraine. Abruptly standing, he snatched his cards from the Ra's hands before stalking away down his hallway.

Yeah. Unfortunate.

xxx

It's done.

The new VWXYZ/Armed Dragon/Ojama/Chthonian plus one Infernal Incinerator deck was complete, and it somehow managed to not be the size of a brick.

Chazz leaned back in his bed and set the deck next to him, thoroughly exhausted. This four hour endeavor could have waited until he was in better shape physically but he was glad to have it over with. Better yet, he had been allowed to complete it in his much desired peace and quiet, allowing him to concentrate on the task with undivided attention.

His eye and the damaged skin surrounding it stung badly. Checking the time, he decided it wasn't too early to take another painkiller and maybe a nap. He'd been getting a lot of migraines lately and tonight he was experiencing one of the worst.

Slowly, he let his eyes slide shut as he settled in snugly against the pillows. The carefully stacked cards fanned along the duvet toward his prone form. For the first time in a while, he relaxed into something resembling contentment. Minutes passed.

A warm hand brushed back a thick lock of black hair.

He stirred but kept his eyes firmly shut, trying to block the ambient light from penetrating his uncovered eyelid.

Fingers returned to trace a path along the cuts branching across the left side of his face. Back and forth. It was oddly soothing. The delicate touch stopped short of his eyepatch and pulled away again.

Chazz furrowed his brow. The air in the room became unnaturally still.

A weight pressed down the edge of the bed directly in front of him.

He didn't want to see it.

 **"Shame you let him do this to you. They _do_ say hell is other people."**

This time, when Chazz looked, he met his own eyes. Both of them dark and unmarred by broken glass.

 **"But I'll show you,"** A smile formed across a perfect facsimile of his own lips. **"We can play with fire better than any of _them_."**


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER 6

It should be like looking into a mirror. The existence of mirrors should have acclimated the human race to seeing their own bodies move from another perspective. Videos as well, although with video there was at least the memory of doing what had been captured on film. This was more like an out of body experience, complete with an alarming lack of control that did not characterize either of these scenarios.

Chazz stared wide eyed as his own face smirked back. The other him kneeled beside the bed, his chin perched in his hands. Without Chazz willing him to, the doppelgänger cast his gaze toward the ceiling in mock playfulness. **"Admit it, you miss looking like this."**

He should run, right? He should run.

 **"** **Tch,"** He saw himself shake his head in disapproval, move his body to block any means of getting off the bed. **"Don't act surprised. You knew I was here."**

Chazz sat up, pressing his back to the far wall to put distance between them. "What are you?"

 **"** **I'll avoid the clichè of repeatedly asserting that I'm you,"** The thing that wasn't him flashed a smile Chazz didn't know his face could make. It began pacing easily across the cluttered floor, stepping over garbage without looking down. **"We both know you deserve more credit than that. You're smart. Smart but… troubled. Directionless."**

He didn't like watching it move. It looked identical to him, except the left side of its face, but it moved so effortlessly. Its gestures, its gait, its expressions, all gave the impression of overwhelming confidence. It carried itself with grace and purpose, unlike the uncertain jerkiness he often caught himself exhibiting.

"Look, I've already been brainwashed once," he spat out. "I can tell when someone wants to manipulate me."

 **"** **No, you can't."**

Chazz swallowed. "What do you want?"

It stopped pacing, facing away from him. **"The same things you do."**

xxx

"I think we should run four copies of The Unhappy Maiden."

"Evan…" Chazz pinched the bridge of his nose. "We're making a _Chaos Dragon_ deck. There's no place for her. And the maximum number of copies is _three_."

Evan frowned, looking down at the card catalog placed on the desk between them. "I think she's great for every deck."

"That's probably why you haven't won a duel since the entrance exams," Chazz snapped. Dealing with this stupidity, not to mention his eye itching when he couldn't scratch it, were giving him a headache.

This was one of the dumbest things he'd ever had to do. Ever since he lost to Jaden in Crowler's field skills exam, he hadn't gotten a chance to use his new and (hopefully) improved deck. As a result, the purple-lipped freak pulled some strings to land him in here. Remedial Deck Building. For a third year especially, this was humiliating. The only other non-freshman was Dimitri, who became a permanent fixture in the class ever since his infamous theft of Yugi Muto's deck. Evidently, the school assumed he needed _this_ instead of professional therapy. The class was mostly focused on group assignments, allowing Professor Nakamura to avoid teaching them anything substantiative.

"I have too won a few times…" Evan's expression indicated he was close to tears. "Wait. No, that wasn't me."

Chazz's fist closed around the open catalog, ripping through a colorful layout of level two effect monsters.

 **"** **He'd look good with an eyepatch."**

He tried glaring at the speaker, but the voice came from his left side and he deemed turning that far to be too much damn effort right now. "Let's just move on. We need Chaos Zone."

 **"** **Think about it. Ladies love a little ruggedness. And he needs all the help he can get."**

"Give me your spells list."

 **"** **Not in your case, sadly. Those cuts are going to look like shit when they scar over."**

He glanced over the chicken-scratch writing. "This has twenty-three cards."

"Yeah!" Evan beamed. "I thought we should double all the spells so we don't lose them all in the graveyard."

"That's what Magical Stone Excavation is for, idiot!"

"Chazz Princeton!" Professor Nakamura scolded from the front of the room.

He took a deep breath to calm down. Proving he didn't belong here was going to be incredibly difficult if he kept getting stuck with people like Evan fucking Suzuki. Of course, he _could_ carry any project by himself but he usually didn't have the patience or fortitude to try when his partner insisted on interjecting with the dumbest ideas he'd ever heard.

A freshly sharpened pencil rolled across the desk. With practiced nonchalance, he batted it away.

"Why do you think she's unhappy?" Evan asked, smoothing out the torn page.

"Because people like you exist," Chazz growled, picking up his things and heading to a _real_ class.

xxx

Things were getting out of control again.

He watched as his other body moved to the nearest tree and leaned against it. Very, very out of control. Together, they observed the people who came the closest to being Chazz's friends. They were seated at an outdoor table near the main building, homework spread in front of them but they were ignoring it in favor of enjoying each other's company. From a distance, Chazz could see Jaden and Jesse high five while Alexis face palmed. Syrus leaned over to whisper something to Hassleberry, who laughed in return.

Chazz remembered when he had been part of the group. He always felt horribly out of place, but at least they made an effort to include him, despite his negative attitude. But if he felt isolated before he sure as hell felt isolated now. There was no possible scenario in which he could go over there and act like nothing changed. He didn't want to. His presence would just cut through their good time, reminding them all that he didn't belong with them ever since the Society of Light mess.

So much for being one of the heroes.

 **"** **I don't see why you struggle with it."**

"With what?"

 **"** **Figuring out where you fit in."**

He looked down at the ground.

 **"** **You've been in the Blue Dorm, Red Dorm, White,"** he paused, knowing he struck a nerve. **"North Academy. There's only one place you were in your element."**

"Yeah?" He snorted. "And which dorm was that?"

 **"** **Not a dorm,"** his replied with amusement. **"I have a question for you, Chazz."**

"Shoot."

 **"** **You ever read fairy tales?"**

"Everyone has."

 **"** **That Spirit Key business,"** his double continued, gazing out at the attack helicopters bringing new cards to the island. **"You were never meant to save the world. You weren't meant to stick safely in the middle of the pack, taking orders from the hero. Giving your loyalty and friendship to him. That's not your story."**

The PDA alarm went off, briefly disrupting the intensity of the moment. "And what is?" He asked when the electronic buzzing stopped and the quiet returned.

 **"** **Figure it out."**

He didn't need to look over to know the other was gone. Left to his own muddled thoughts, he stared at his classmates without really seeing them. After a while, they got up from the table one by one to walk back to their respective dorms under the setting sun.

"Do you want to talk about it, boss?"

He lowered his head. "No."


	7. Chapter 7

CHAPTER 7

Chazz shoved his way through dozens of students assembled on the front lawn of the main building, Syrus trailing behind and apologizing to everyone as they passed. He slammed into Chazz's back when the Slifer stopped abruptly at the front, surveying the scene before them.

"Horus the Black Flame Dragon level 4, attack Elemental Hero Burstinatrix!"

What the hell did Jaden think he was doing?

"Chazz?" Alexis stepped next to him, concern evident in her voice. "Is it true, Daigo Sorano is the one who injured you?"

Chazz clenched his jaw. Only a few people were supposed to know about that. He never reported more of the incident than he needed to, intending to deal with it on his own until _other things_ distracted him. Now, from the looks of how many fucking people were out here watching Jaden duel him, the entire school seemed to be privy to his personal affairs. This was not what he wanted.

Moments before, Syrus had come running up to him as he was walking back to his room from class, yelling about how Jaden had challenged Daigo to convince him to confess to Chancellor Shepherd what happened at the dance. How that slacker found out when only Bastion and Mindy were immediately present he didn't know. But he intended to find out and deal with the narc accordingly.

Daigo pulled a card from his deck. "Because Horus destroyed a monster, he can level up on my end phase. I end my turn."

"I draw!" Jaden glanced down at his card. "I play Neo-Spacian Air Hummingbird in defense mode!"

"Air Hummingbird will give Jaden 500 life points for every card in Daigo's hand," Alexis commented beside him. "That'll be another 2000 points!"

Chazz turned his head toward her, scowling. "If this school didn't let people normal summon in face-up defense he wouldn't be able to."

"Then I play Warrior Returning Alive to get Burstinatrix out of my graveyard, and next I'll use Polymerization to fuse her and Elemental Hero Clayman to create Elemental Hero Rampart Blaster. In defense mode!"

"Rampart Blaster's special effect will let him attack Daigo directly," Alexis continued, ignoring Chazz's comment. "That'll be most of his life points."

He turned back to the duel in time to see Daigo's life points fell to 500.

"Wow!" Syrus exclaimed. "Daigo's Level Six won't be able to break through those defense points. Big bro's going to win!"

"Daigo still has two face downs," Alexis reminded him.

Chazz couldn't stand their insipid prattle any more. "Who the hell cares?"

They both stared at him in disbelief.

"We're just taking an interest in a duel Jaden is fighting _for you,"_ Alexis countered. "What's your problem? You used to commentate with us."

Yes, used to. But now, he just wanted everyone to be quiet and let this sham of a duel finish so he could figure out what the hell went so wrong today. His unwanted companions spared him and let the next few turns pass in silence, allowing his anger to subside. That's when he started to realize how fucking _awkward_ standing in Jaden's cheering section felt. Even when they weren't talking, everyone around him tensed when Daigo played a trap or leaned forward with interest when Jaden summoned yet another fusion monster with some OP bullshit effect. They were like awestruck children. Was he ever this annoying all those times he stood among them?

He thought back to Bastion's duel with Taniya. Alexis versus Atticus, Zane versus Camula, Jaden dueling Aster by the ocean. He remembered being invested, caring. Lately, though, he just wanted everyone to stop.

There were just some things a person couldn't get back.

"Elemental Hero Flame Wingman, attack Twin Headed Behemoth with skydive scorcher!"

Before Jaden could spout out his signature game-ending catchphrase, Chazz pushed through the other kids and grabbed Jaden by the forearm—hard. "Chazz—!" Jaden began, apparently unaware that his damsel in distress had been there for the big show.

"Shut the fuck up and come with me."

His captive did _not_ shut up, probably whining about something stupid, but Chazz was far too pissed to listen. He dragged Jaden away from the crowd and across the open grass. The walk felt like an eternity as Chazz, almost panicking now, tried to figure out how to run damage control on this whole mess. Finally reaching his destination, the same isolated cliff above the ocean where only a few weeks before Alexis had asked him to the dance, Chazz forcibly spun the other boy around and glared into his eyes.

"Explain. Make it quick."

"I did on the way out here," Jaden said. "Weren't you listening just now?"

"Obviously not!"

Jaden raised his hands in surrender. "Okay, okay. I overheard Daigo telling one of his Obelisk friends about what happened between you two. I told him to admit it to Shepherd but he refused. So I challenged him to a duel. I had to do his laundry for a week if I lost."

At least Bastion and Mindy were capable of keeping their mouths shut. "It was none of your business, slacker," Chazz responded darkly.

"I just wanted him to be punished for what he did…"

"I don't need you going around _defending my honor_!"

"I wasn't—"

 **"** **He thinks you couldn't handle it on your own."**

"I was going to deal with it myself," Chazz snapped, crossing his arms over his chest.

"When?"

"I was getting around to it!"

"Chazz, it's been weeks—"

"There's no statute of limitations on assault!" He had no idea if that was true, or even applicable.

"I was doing the right thing—"

 **"** **Always playing the hero."**

Chazz stepped toward him. "Stay out of my business for once in your worthless life."

Jaden looked hurt. "Chazz, we're friends—"

"I am not your friend!" Chazz shouted into the other boy's face. "Stop doing things for me!"

"But we _are_ friends," Jaden looked at Chazz pathetically. "Friends do things for each other…"

"What have I ever done for you? When have I shown kindness to you? I haven't. I have never once gone out of my way for anyone and especially not you. So just stop. Stop being nice to me, okay? I don't deserve it."

That was definitely too personal.

Jaden stepped toward him. "You don't deserve it? Chazz, you've done so much to help people. Don't you remember the Shadow Riders? Freeing everyone from Sartorius' mind control?"

"I remember being the reason they needed saved in the first place," Chazz snapped. "And I remember losing a duel with all the keys, fucking everything up. This—" he pointed to his ruined eye. "This is what I deserve instead of your _friendship."_

 **"** **This shit never happened before you met him, you know."**

"Is that why you didn't tell anyone?" Jaden shook his head. "You think you deserve to be miserable?"

 **"** **How** ** _perceptive_** **."**

The other him stepped out from somewhere to Chazz's left, strolling casually around to Jaden's side. Chazz watched him tilt his head slightly, taking in the other boy's features with intense interest. Then he glanced back over at Chazz and started making his way around Jaden's back, between him and the jagged edge of the cliff, an unreadable expression on his face.

"… and you have to trust other people," Jaden continued. "You can't do everything by yourself all the time."

 **"** **Never shuts up, does he?"**

"I wasn't trying to overstep any boundaries, Chazz, I just wanted to help when I heard…"

Chazz's double, now stopped at Jaden's other side, placed a finger on the Slifer's farthest shoulder and traced a line across his back. He kept his eyes trained on the boy next to him, pulling his hand away and approaching Chazz once more. **"The heroes always give the worst speeches,"** he whispered into Chazz's ear.

He heard the soft sound of grass under boots as his double disappeared from view behind him.

 **"** **You could** ** _make_** **him stop talking."**

"There are people who care about you and the things you've accomplished, even if it doesn't always feel like that. I was so proud of you when you won the Genex Tournament, dude. I still am."

 **"** **All of these memories of doing great things but you have nothing to show for it. They're just exposed nerve. Do you know what you do with exposed nerve?"** Chazz nearly shook his head in response, but managed to catch himself in time. **"Y** **ou cauterize it."**

Jaden's mouth continued to move, but the words were lost in the crashing of the waves on the cliff face below.

 **"** **He wants you to keep your wounds exposed."**

The sincerity of whatever Jaden was saying shone through in his features. It was revolting.

His other self resumed his slow, deliberate circle around the two.

 **"** **Why did you ever bother with it, anyway? Pretending to be one of the good guys? These heroes, they look at you with pity when they see you struggle, when you try** ** _bludgeoning_** **a square hole into a round peg. And they look down on you because they know you don't belong there. Alexis, Atticus, Jaden… they tolerate you because they've seen glimpses of what you can do and it scares them. You keep failing and will continue to fail as long as you're working against your own nature."** He stopped abruptly, forcing eye contact. **"You belong on the other side."**

Jaden said something then, placing a gentle hand on Chazz's shoulder.

"Get the fuck away from me!" Chazz screamed, pushing him backwards several feet, toward the edge of the cliff.

 **"** **So close,"** his double smirked.

"Do you know how I managed to win a goddamn tournament, Jaden?" Bewilderment registered on the other boy's face at the use of his real name. "Besides you being my fucking savior yet again and not taking all my medals when you beat me?"

"I—"

"I won," Chazz interrupted, "because I was away from you. I got most of those medals when I was in the Society of Light, when I wasn't constantly chastising myself for failing to live up to the expectations everyone had of me just because we were 'friends.' I was free from your moralizing and could finally get shit done the way I wanted."

"…How much do you remember?"

He took a step forward, closing the gap between them. "I remember finding Alexis in her room the night I defeated her, crying because she was confused and missed _you._ So I kissed her and made her forget you or your dumb friends ever existed."

Jaden stared, shocked at the coldness in his friend's voice. "Is… that why you don't like being around her anymore?"

It took all of Chazz's strength to not look away. Yes, it was, but that wasn't the end of the story. He also remembered pulling away from her lips, the lips he used to dream about tasting like strawberries, to see her staring back at him, her eyes blank and empty. She didn't fight him or yell at him. It wasn't Alexis anymore and that was terrifying, even then.

"… Chazz, you're bleeding."

Chazz lifted his fingertips to his face, but was interrupted by the sudden presence of Jesse Anderson coming up behind him.

"What are you two doing?" He asked, catching his breath. "It's dangerous to play around the edge of a cliff, didn't your parents teach you that?"

Spinning around, Chazz regarded the intruder with distaste. "Did you come out here for a reason or just to piss me off?"

Jesse's eyes widened slightly at his appearance, glancing nervously at his best friend before continuing. "Um… your brothers are on a video conference call in the Chancellor's office. I was told to fetch ya."

"Fine."

Chazz shoulder checked the Obelisk, who flinched, as he started off in the direction of campus, leaving his rival behind.

 _Former_ rival. They no longer shared the same goals.

xxx

"We spoke to Chancellor Shepherd," Jagger explained from the large screen. "We agreed the Sorano kid should be expelled, Obelisk or not. He'll be leaving tomorrow morning."

Slade nodded beside him. "And I want to know why this is the first we're hearing about alcohol at a school event. We're going to find out what dipshit smuggled it onto the island and make sure they're punished as well."

Chazz snorted.

"The negligence of the Academy is astounding. Where were the professors? This entire situation should have never happened and you, _you,_ " Slade emphasized, "should have not only reported underage drinking but also the name of the philistine who sent you to the O.R., Chazz. We expect better judgment from you."

"Do you?"

"Don't take that tone, Chazz, this is serious. We're both troubled—"

Jagger leaned forward. "Come here."

"I can't," Chazz replied sarcastically. "Unless your expectations of me include obtaining the ability to fly."

"Let me see your eye."

"I'm not un-bandaging it."

"Chazz," Slade barked at him impatiently. "Is that blood? Get over here."

He reluctantly obeyed, standing from the couch to move closer to the TV-mounted camera. Crossing his arms defiantly, he turned his head to the left to prevent them from seeing his wrecked complexion.

"Let us see your eye," Jagger repeated more forcefully.

"It's fine."

Slade looked like he was ready to shout, but took in a long deep breath before speaking with surprising composure. "There is blood coming out of your dressing, it's not 'fine,' Chazz. Are you not using your antibiotics or cleaning it? It's going to get infected, the doctors told you what can happen if you aren't vigilant. You can lose the whole thing."

" _It's fine_ , okay?"

"It's not and you're not," Jagger interjected, glancing sideways at the eldest brother. "When your Chancellor called to tell us about that boy confessing to hitting you, he mentioned some… concerning details about your behavior lately. Are you taking your antipsychotics?"

Chazz didn't know why he thought he'd make it through the conversation without some implications about his mental health. His first year at Duel Academy, all they wanted to ask him about were his grades and how many duels he won. More recently, those questions turned to whether he was still seeing 'those Ojamas' or why he talked to himself so much in the school hallways where people could overhear. Idly, he wondered if they would care so much if he were less public about his supposed hallucinations.

"I don't need it," he told them, "Besides, it's expired."

"So? What does that even mean?"

"I don't know."

"Fine," Slade snapped, "We'll get you some _fresh_ fucking medication so you can start acting like a normal person for once. And when you receive it, you _will_ take it. That way we won't be on the phone with your school about how you scream in your dorm room when you're alone or swat at the air instead of listening to your lecturers. Is that clear?"

"Crystal."

Jagger held up a hand, silencing Slade from saying more. Always the conciliatory one, if Chazz had to choose. "We're just worried about you, okay? Things have been tough, I know, but you just need to make it a few months until break and then you can get some much needed rest at home. In the meantime, take care of yourself. Do your schoolwork."

"Clean your fucking face," Slade added, lip upturned in disgust.

The television went black, leaving only his reflection in the darkened screen. He stared at it at length, taking in his unkept hair, his eyepatch, the deep shadow under his visible eye. Maybe he should clean up a bit. He couldn't recall the last time he bothered. Looking out the window, he made out steady raindrops falling from the rapidly blackening sky.

First, however, he needed to speak with someone.


	8. Chapter 8

CHAPTER 8

Old habits were hard to break sometimes, no matter how unnatural they felt.

Although reluctant to follow through on his conscience's demands, Chazz was glad there was a voice coming from _inside_ his head for once rather than _out_. Unfortunately, this voice was proving to be as resistant to quieting as any other.

He walked across campus with his hands shoved deep in his pockets, rain plastering his hair to the side of his head. He pushed a clump over his damaged eye, still somewhat self-conscious about it despite everyone on the island knowing full well what he looked like now.

A group of Obelisk girls overtook him on the sidewalk, holding books over their heads to keep from getting wet. Otherwise, the area was devoid of other people.

He sighed as he reached the massive Blue dorm, taking the steps one at a time toward the double doors at the top. He had tried to avoid the building ever since his own expulsion, and had only been back a handful of times since. Inside, the hallways looked the same, with crown molding set above enlarged yearbook photos of students who went on to the professional leagues after graduating. Last time he was here, Chazz saw Zane Truesdale's picture prominently displayed next to a trophy display case, but it had since been removed.

The student mailboxes were set into the wall, each student's name marked on little placards that slid into the metal. Chazz's eye searched the rows of names until finally landing on the one he wanted. Room 224.

Moments later, he stood in front of his destination, his stomach lurching with apprehension.

 _This is stupid,_ he thought as the door next to him opened and two boys emerged. They cast him confused glances but never broke conversation, disappearing around a corner. Steeling himself, he finally slammed the side of his fist into the hard wood door, so much more solid and smooth than his own at Slifer. It opened slightly.

"Princeton?" Daigo Sorano asked. "What are _you_ doing here?"

Chazz kicked it open the rest of the way and brushed past the other boy into the room. It wasn't as big as the one he'd previously occupied, but still had all the amenities one could expect for the top students at Duel Academy, including a mini fridge and private bathroom. The curtains were drawn against the storm, and a partially filled suitcase lay open on the queen sized bed, hastily folded clothing piled high next to it.

"I want to talk to you."

"Well, I have packing to do thanks to you," Daigo said rudely, still standing by the open door, seemingly hesitant to close it lest Chazz take that as an invitation to stay.

This comment irked him. "Thanks to me? If you hadn't been bragging—"

"I wasn't _bragging_ ," Daigo interrupted, slamming the door shut. "I was just telling a buddy of mine about what happened. Look, I thought that when you didn't tattle on me that we were cool. Now I'm getting kicked out of the Academy."

"Cool?" Chazz repeated, raising an eyebrow. "You shoved glassware so far into my face that I may never see again. In what fucking universe is that forgive and forget territory?"

"I was drunk, okay? It's not like I meant to."

"You meant to hit me."

Daigo shrugged. "Sure. I mean, what rational person here doesn't want to? I've wanted to kick your ass for a while."

"Why do you have a problem with me?"

"Asks the guy who has a problem with everyone."

"Is that it?" Chazz demanded. "I didn't even know who the fuck you were!"

Daigo stepped toward him, red with anger. "But I knew who you were. You're a complete loser."

"Sounds like an oversimplification."

"Fine. You were _also_ the obnoxious spoiled brat who rubbed his wealth in our faces while I actually had to earn my way here. But now that your brothers refuse to buy your way back into Obelisk, you're just the guy who's still in Slifer in his third year."

"You disfigured someone because of dorm elitism!?" Chazz shouted, hands balling into fists at his sides.

"No," Daigo raised his voice. "Because I recall you barging in here last year wearing all white, spouting off religious bullshit like some kind of nutjob. Then you beat every single Obelisk. For most of us of being in that cult is a blur, but I could never forget how you lorded those victories over everyone. Even though we all knew you couldn't win a duel without someone else's power."

All thoughts of trying to connect with this person who was also going through hell, of being conciliatory in his own admittedly nonsensical way, immediately vanished.

"I won on my own," Chazz hissed through clenched teeth. "I didn't need someone else's power because you were all shit."

"If we were so bad why did you take such pride in it? Why'd you proclaim yourself Sartorius' right-hand man? And that's not even to mention the Genex Tournament. Your _big moment_. Here's the thing, Princeton—nobody cares about that stupid tournament. Nobody ever has, not even during the thing. Jaden Yuki didn't really even participate, neither did Truesdale, or any of the other really big names. Your final duel was against a _grade-schooler_."

"You still resented me enough to do this!" Chazz stabbed his left thumb violently toward his covered eye.

"You've got it wrong; I didn't resent you. I might now, since you and your all-powerful brothers got me expelled, but I didn't when I punched you. I mean, I was trying to help you up; you looked like you were about to pass out. Then you came at me. I was drunk; I just reacted. It's not like I meant to cut up your face. I even thought about calling you at the hospital to apologize but figured I'd do the right thing and talk to you in person… Then when you came back… well you were always messed up, Princeton, but when you came back you were like a different person. Before I thought you were a freak and a slob and a loser but honestly I probably pitied you more than anything else. But now… you're fucking _crazy_."

" _Fucking crazy_ ," Chazz leaned in toward Daigo, his voice lower. He thought about saying "I'll show you crazy." But instead he just _showed him_.

Daigo seemed prepared for the possibility Chazz would hit first yet again. He lunged forward and grabbed the back of the shorter boy's head, shoving him toward the door. "Get the hell out of here, you little psycho—" he started when a finger caught the strap of his eyepatch, knocking it to the floor. The weak adhesive on the old bandages fell off with it.

They stood in silence for a moment, Daigo staring wide-eyed at Chazz's face.

"Chazz—" Daigo gasped, as Chazz reached down to scoop up the wrappings before bolting into the hallway.

The bandages, dirtier than he'd anticipated and no longer sticky, weren't reusable but he was at least able to slide the eyepatch back over his throbbing eye. It would protect it until he could get back to his dorm. Why did it hurt so much? He tried to remember the last time he used the antibiotics, or where he even put them, but came up with nothing.

Stuffing the used gauze into his jacket pocket, he resolved to locate them as soon as he returned from this inevitably doomed venture. He couldn't even grasp why he thought it was a good idea in the first place, why he listened to that voice in his head telling him that talking to the other boy was the right thing to—

Jaden.

Chazz narrowed his eye. It was Jaden Yuki's voice compelling him to come here, to bury the olive branch or whatever that stupid phrase was. And he failed. Again. Like every other time Chazz tried to do something, he instead managed to make things worse. Just like when he awakened the Sacred Beasts trying to confess his love to Alexis, or introduced a brainwashing cult to the Island when he was supposed to be helping Syrus and Hassleberry find Jaden, or threw away the Monopoly board after being the first to lose…

Wait. That last part didn't sound right.

He was back to the co-ed common area of the Obelisk dorms when a voice interrupted his thoughts.

"Chazz?" Alexis fell into stride next to him. "What are you doing here?"

"Nothing."

"I want to talk to you…"

"Then go for it but first…" He stopped abruptly, causing her to spin around in confusion. He moved to her left side before starting on his way again. Gesturing toward his covered eye, "I don't like talking to people I can't see," he explained.

"Sorry, I forget."

"I don't."

She took a deep breath, "I heard about the cliff. With Jaden. I can't believe you _shoved_ him when you two were that close to the edge. After what happened to Adrian Gecko a few months ago…" She shook her head.

"If the school didn't want anyone else falling off, they would have put up a railing."

"Chazz, somebody _died._ "

" _Somebody_ ," he growled, "was too busy cloud gazing like a jackass and walked off."

Alexis grabbed his arm and spun him around. "What is going on with you lately? You're acting erratic and offensive. More offensive than usual. You were always a restraining order waiting to happen but this," she gestured wildly in the air in frustration, "is too much. I was just starting to think you weren't such a bad guy after we danced—"

"Bullshit."

"What?"

"You never thought that," he bit the inside of his cheek, scowling at the plush carpet under his feet as he began the _never-ending hike_ toward the exit again. He was completely out of steam for confrontations today. This conversation needed to end and there was no reason these halls should be so long and winding.

"What happened to you?" She demanded from beside him.

He thought about this question for a moment. Upon reflection, he realized that every angry word from his brothers, every unfair punishment, every time he stumbled and struggled to pick himself back up - they all contributed to his present feelings of inferiority and hatred. Fiction always makes it so clean and simple, but real life was messy and complicated and seldom dependent on a single moment or a handful of them. Looking back, his present disaster struck him as almost inevitable.

"Leave it."

Her resolve to be angry faltered. "Look, I'm heading to the cafeteria for dinner. Why don't you come with me and we can talk about what's bothering you? I'll let you use one of my meal cards, you look like you've lost weight."

He didn't respond.

When they reached the doors to the extravagant Obelisk cafeteria, Alexis stopped to head inside while Chazz kept going.

xxx

Everyone else was in class when the ferry left the island. The sun cast the orange glow that was specific to dawn over the still water, giving the ocean a sickly quality. Shadows stretched across the concrete of the docks, emphasizing the cracks in the pavement and its coarse texture. Everything looked hyperrealistic in high contrast. Grimy.

Chazz watched the ferry depart from a nearby hill overlooking the docks, jacket pulled tight against the bitter chill of the morning air.

This was another mistake. He let the ever-principled Jaden Yuki control him again. It was another lesson in how to be made a fool—he had had so many, since he had allowed a fool to lead him. That was just Jaden's nature. But it wasn't Chazz's nature. There were so many other ways the previous night could have gone. Ways that would have allowed him to sleep, that would have kept his morning tea in his stomach.

He took one final look at the ferry.

 **"It's too late now."**


	9. Chapter 9

CHAPTER 9

Bastion made his way across the lawn, contemplating the paperwork in his hands. The midterms were approaching, which meant that students at Duel Academy needed to get practical experience to demonstrate how much they learned. They were all required to duel out of class time, and their duel disks would keep track of their moves, how many life points they had at the end of the game, and whether they won. The faculty selected to review the data - he heard Bonaparte and Stein were the most recent picks - would then grade based on all this information.

This was one of Bastion's favorite times of year, and he would often catch himself mentally preparing for the event months in advance, making sure his various equations were perfected by semester's end. At the moment, he was running through a list of potential opponents to help him meet his quota. Aster Phoenix would prove an adequate challenge, as would Alexis Rhodes and her ritual monsters.

Coming up to the sidewalk to the main building, Bastion encountered Chazz Princeton, who was sitting on the ground with his back against one of the many pillars which dotted the landscaping. Bastion gave a cordial nod in greeting that went unreturned. He was not offended, though, since the other boy was deep in conversation with his Ojamas, he guessed. Bastion mused at how well Chazz appeared to be getting along with the duel spirits lately; his shouts and angry swats had morphed into more calm and collected exchanges.

Bastion liked the Slifer well enough although they didn't speak often. He knew better than to take the other's combative attitude personally. Despite his oftentimes unstable and disorganized temperament, Chazz struck him as quite intelligent. They frequently competed for top marks in their shared classes, at least before the eye incident over a month ago. These days, Chazz missed class a lot more, of which Bastion heartily disapproved, but he could empathize. The experience was probably quite traumatic.

"Heya, Bas!" Jaden Yuki's arm flung around Bastion's shoulders with too much gusto, almost knocking the wind out of him.

"Ah, hello Jaden."

"Wanna duel?"

He smiled, managing to regain his composure. "At the moment, I have some important errands to run. But you are on my list of prospective dueling partners once I get started on the assignment."

"Man," Jaden sighed. "I'm running out of people to ask. Syrus is busy hiding in the cafeteria — he always gets weird about the never-turn-down-a-duel law — and both Jim and Hassleberry said no."

"What about Chazz?" Bastion asked, gesturing toward the person in question. "He always seems to have trouble getting people to approach him for these things."

Jaden gave him a nervous look. "Well… You know how Evan likes to break into dorm rooms because he thinks it'll help him move up to Ra?"

Bastion nodded. He did know.

"He broke into Chazz's room and found hundreds of Zone Eater cards, like _books_ of them, and _also_ some pills," he continued, lowering his voice conspiratorially. "When he looked them up he found out they were for schizophrenia. I've been staying away from him so I don't catch it."

Bastion frowned. "Jaden, schizophrenia is a mental illness, which is usually characterized by auditory and visual hallucinations. It's not contagious. His brothers are likely just concerned about his interactions with duel spirits."

"Oh!" Jaden stepped back, relief evident in his features. "That's a relief!"

Bastion grinned, pleased that his ability to detect facial expressions was so on point.

At the same time, he couldn't help but question why the eldest Princeton brothers were so concerned with his connection to the Ojamas when there were other students who reportedly saw them as well, albeit only a few. He considered Jaden, who was whimsical enough that no one found it unusual when he started talking to his cards. Chazz, on the other hand, was more practical and serious. Unusual behavior could be interpreted very differently when displayed by such dissimilar people.

"How are you and Mindy doing these days?" Jaden asked as they resumed their travels.

"Marvelous," Bastion couldn't help but be surprised at his fortune. The girl had always struck him as flighty and vapid, but she proved to be a delightful conversation partner. "I'm actually on my way to the laboratory to meet up with her and Eisenstein."

"Cool! Sounds like things are going great for you, Bas," Jaden beamed at him. They really were. "Well, I better find Chazz and get my game on!"

Bastion watched his friend turn and sprint in the direction of where they had last seen Chazz, but he was no longer there.

xxx

"Anderson." Chazz had tunnel vision as he strode up to a group of people chatting on the grass. His attention was focused solely on Jesse, who spun around in surprise.

"Hi, Chazz," he sputtered, looking over to someone standing next to him. "I'm kinda busy…"

Chazz snatched his wrist and violently pulled him from the group. "Don't give a rat's ass. Come on."

The larger boy resisted at first, but Chazz proved to be the more determined of the two so he quickly gave up, calling something over his shoulder to the people they left behind. Satisfied he was done struggling, Chazz led him from the main building.

"Uh, where are we goin'?"

Chazz held up his arm to present the duel disk.

"Oh, I guess I got time for a duel," Jesse acquiesced, as though he had a choice with Duel Academy rules. "Um… you okay? You look a little dazed."

As if on cue, Chazz stumbled, but quickly regained his footing. He did feel nauseous and his eye hurt worse every day. There wasn't time to deal with it right now, though.

"I'm fine," he replied vaguely. "Just worry about your Rainbow Dragon and its bullshit summoning conditions."

They walked the rest of the way to the hot springs in silence. There were no other students inside, never were this time of day. Still, Chazz led them to the far end where the water was deepest and people seldom swam. The warm air radiating from the water felt soothing on his face. It grounded him a little, although his fever threatened to knock him out. He stopped by an outcropping of rocks, finding the stuffy building oddly comfortable, and started shuffling his deck with unsteady hands.

Jesse stood next to Chazz, clearly uncertain about something. Finally, he sighed and moved opposite him so they could face each other from across a small expanse of dirt a few feet from the water. After a moment, when it became evident Chazz wasn't going to make the first move, he pulled out his opening hand.

"Duel start!" Jesse announced. "I play Sapphire Pegasus in attack mode and activate his effect, putting Ruby Carbuncle in my spell/trap card zone."

Chazz drew W Wing Catapult and looked down at his hand, the cards swimming in his vision. Frontline Base, Despair From the Dark, Mystical Space Typhoon, Ojama Delta Hurricane, and V Tiger Jet… Perfect, he could summon VW Tiger Catapult first turn. "I play W Wing Catapult and activate Frontline Base to…"

Oh fuck. He did that backwards.

Jesse lowered his cards, taking a step forward. "…Are you feeling alright? We can stop and—"

"It's fine!" Chazz snapped, swaying slightly on his feet. "Turn end."

The other boy gave him a quizzical look but kept going. "Okay… I don't know what you're up to, so I'll summon Emerald Tortoise in defense mode and attack your monster with Sapphire Pegasus."

Chazz flinched as he lost 500 life points. That was completely preventable. He drew Masked Dragon. "I set a monster in defense. End."

"My turn," Jesse appeared to be getting back into the duel rather than focusing on his opponent. "I'm going to attack your facedown monster with my Pegasus."

Chazz shoved Masked Dragon into the graveyard. "Masked Dragon's effect allows me to special summon another dragon with 1500 or less attack." He played Armed Dragon Level 3 in attack mode.

"Holy smokes I guess you're going to level your dragon up next turn—I set a card face down and end my turn."

At the beginning of his turn, he drew one of his new cards, Ojamassimilation, and swapped out his dragon for a Level 5. Jesse hadn't bothered to switch his Pegasus to defense mode, something he could've done with his Emerald Tortoise's effect. Obviously he was relying on his reverse card. "I use MST to destroy your facedown and summon V Tiger Jet in attack mode. Attack with Level 5."

Jesse's Negate Attack trap went to the graveyard as his monster moved to his spell/trap card zone. Chazz had taken the lead, albeit by a slim margin, and he was able to level up his dragon to Level 7. "Well dang! Alright, go ahead and level up your monster. I'll set a card and summon Amber Mammoth in defense. Your move!"

Chazz drew Call of The Haunted before looking back down at his hand. If nothing went wrong, he could win this turn and make up for the screw up earlier. Feeling a bit more confident and invested in the game, he smirked. "Okay, I activate Armed Dragon Level 7's effect, discarding Despair from the Dark to send both of your monsters to your stupid fucking back row. V Tiger Jet, attack."

Jesse's life points took 1600 damage, dropping his counter down to 1800. Finally, he was going to win a duel for the first time since the Tournament. He almost forgot what it was like to watch someone else collapse in defeat.

"Now Level 7, go!"

"Hate to burst your bubble," Jesse looked anything but apologetic. It pissed Chazz off immensely. "But I activate Rainbow Path, negating your attack and bringing Rainbow Dragon from my deck to my hand."

"How great for you," He spat back, slamming Call of the Haunted facedown into his duel disk.

The Obelisk let out a chuckle and drew. "Alright, I play That Grass Looks Greener, sending nine cards to my graveyard and…" He used the display on his duel disk to scroll through the images of cards in his graveyard. "Alright! That's all of the Crystal Beasts I needed!"

For fuck's sake.

"I summon Rainbow Dragon!"

What were even the odds in a deck that only ran one of each monster?

"And I'll attack Armed Dragon Level 7, dealing 1200 points of damage!"

That blue haired asshole is having the time of his life.

"And set one card. I'll get ya next turn, Chazz!"

He narrowed his eye at Jesse. "That doesn't change shit. I activate Call of the Haunted to bring back W Wing Catapult, then fuse it with V Tiger Jet to make…" He checked the text on the card. These could be hard to keep straight. "…VW Tiger Catapult. Its effect allows me to discard and change your monster to defense. Say goodbye to your unnecessarily complicated monster."

"Man, you're really going after me!" Jesse laughed. "But I activate my trap Dimensional Guardian, making him indestructible in battle, plus he can't be destroyed by card effects."

Chazz's eye twitched.

He read the card he drew at the beginning of his turn. Ojama Pajama. It would have some use after all. What the hell ever. He placed it into his duel disk and ended his turn.

"I'll attack your VW with Rainbow Dragon! Rainbow Refraction!"

"I activate Ojama Pajama. By banishing Ojama Delta Hurricane from my hand, I can protect my Tiger Catapult from being destroyed."

"That'll protect your monster, but I still get to take a chunk outta your life points!"

"I'm aware," he said, glancing down at the number 300 prominently displayed on his duel disk. He felt dizzy again, but there was so much left he needed to do. This duel needed to be wrapped up quickly. However, a cursory view at the field was not particularly encouraging. Jesse had his ace monster while he just lost one of his. He could keep his fusion monster alive for a few more turns if he kept up a supply of Ojama cards to send to banish but Dimensional Guardian would be a challenge to get rid of. Against the encroaching queasiness that was getting harder to ignore, he drew Level Modulation.

"Okay, Jesse," Chazz tried to ignore the hint of a slur in his own voice. "I activate another effect of Ojama Pajama. I can get one Ojama card out of my deck—" finding Ojamagic took far too long — "Then I can discard it. This gets Ojama Yellow, Black, and Green to my hand. Then I play Ojamassimilation—" Why did this need to take forever? "—which lets me banish my three Ojamas, to special summon whatever the fuck makes XYZ Dragon Cannon." He was glad to get rid of the Ojamas before any of them could speak.

He could tell Jesse was following absolutely none of this.

The three machine monsters appeared on his field, briefly, before he fused them into XYZ Dragon Cannon.

"Next I fuse VW and XYZ to make VWXYZ bullshit alphabet machine."

"And you said _my_ dragon was convoluted."

"Shut up." Chazz forced his eye to focus on the single card in his hand. He wouldn't be able to use V to Z's effect to take out both Rainbow Dragon and that trap card and he'd lose if he didn't destroy them both this turn. "I play Level Modulation. You get to draw two cards, but you won't get a chance to use them because I'm bringing back Armed Dragon Level 7 from the graveyard. I'll make this quick—"

"It's too late for that, Chazz!" Still chipper, even though he was about the lose.

"—and fuse V to Z and Level 7 to make Armed Dragon Catapult Cannon. All I have to do is banish one card from my deck…" He chose one at random and slipped it into his jacket pocket, mostly as a formality. "To banish _every card_ on your side of the field. Finally, I attack you directly for 3500 damage."

"Nani!?" Jesse exclaimed as his counter reached zero.

Chazz won.

This… did not change anything. He wanted to gloat and laugh maniacally over the fallen loser. He _wanted_ to want to, but he didn't experience any the usual feelings that accompanied victory. Instead, he felt hollow and irritable. Despite an early mistake he managed to win on his own, prove that he still could. That _was_ the point right? He plopped down on the nearby rock before his legs had a chance to give out. A sharp pain radiated from his covered eye as he removed his duel disk from his arm and tossed it carelessly onto the seat next to him before Jaden could sit in it.

"Those are some great new cards for your deck, they really made a difference," Jaden picked up the duel disk and carefully placed it on the ground next to Chazz's foot.

"Made a difference for what exactly, slacker?" He snarled back.

"Slacker?" Jesse repeated, expression turning more serious. "Jaden and I are pretty similar but… ah, maybe I should have gotten you to Miss Fontaine…"

Chazz squeezed his eye shut. The hazy light of the room was somehow too bright. The warm air that helped clear his head earlier now felt oppressive and suffocating.

"You're from North Academy, right?" He distantly heard himself ask.

Jesse stopped mid-sentence. Chazz wasn't aware he had been speaking. "Um, yeah. You know I am."

It occurred to him that the two had never been alone together before now, or really had a conversation. Sure, they didn't have much in common, but that didn't stop other people from hassling him every chance they got.

"I went to North too, briefly."

"I know, I heard stories about ya."

Chazz nodded mechanically, a wave of vertigo immediately making him regret it. "But I came back. And do you know what they made me do?" He didn't wait for a response. "They made me move into the Slifer Dorms. Because — this is what Chancellor Shepherd said — transfer students always start in Slifer."

Jesse remained silent next to him.

"This year, Duel Academy got four new students. I couldn't help but notice… that rule didn't seem to apply to any of you." For the first time since winning the duel, Chazz looked over at the other boy. "And no one ever asks but I'll ask. Why do you think that is?"

Jesse shifted uncomfortably on the rock, keeping his gaze to the ground. "I… really couldn't say."

"I had to win the Genex Tournament to get out of that cesspool. Does anyone remember that? Does anyone acknowledge it as an accomplishment? No, there's only room for one winner. Because I'm not Jaden Yuki, I don't get recognition for releasing all those idiots from Sartorius' mind control. If he did it, I'd never hear the end of it. I never hear the end of it as it is. I get saved by him and then they reprimand me for not kissing his ass. 'Chazz, don't talk to him that way, he rescued you.' 'Chazz, show some _goddamn_ gratitude.'" He became aware that he had gotten up at some point and was pacing in front of the visibly tense Obelisk. "Where's my gratitude? Why am I still the butt of the joke to every asshole I dueled and saved?"

"Well, I wasn't there but you _were_ the one who brought them into the Society of Light to begin wi—"

" _It doesn't matter_ ," Chazz yelled into his face. "That's what everyone fixates on. Every single fucking thing I've ever done wrong is impossible to get rid of. I'm done trying to make up for them."

He picked up his duel disk. It wasn't too late this time.

"What do you mean?"

In a swift upward motion, Chazz struck Jesse with the duel disk as hard as he could. The blow almost knocked Chazz off his feet, but he regained his balance faster than Jesse could recover his senses. With renewed purpose, he lunged at the other boy, bringing them both down on the hard ground with Chazz on top. He smashed the instrument onto Jesse's head again, pieces of wiring and hard plastic exploding into the air like fireworks. Holding him down by the shoulder with one hand, Chazz reached over and snatched the nearest fragment, a long pointed splinter.

Jesse struggled underneath him, jerking around enough to slam Chazz's shoulder into the boulder next to them. He winced in pain, nearly dropping the shard, but managed to stay in control despite his considerably smaller size. He could speak from experience: head injuries were a bitch.

Readjusting himself into a firmer position on top of the Obelisk, Chazz raised the shard into the air and sunk it deep into the side of Jesse's throat. The boy's eyes widened and his mouth gaped, but his arms kept trying to feebly push Chazz off. Yanking his hand back, Chazz stabbed him again but this time his weapon snapped in half before going as deep.

Keeping one hand at Jesse's throat and the other pinning down his chest, Chazz frantically glanced around at the floor littered with cards and broken plastic. Finding nothing large enough to suit his purposes, he turned back to the flailing body beneath him. His eye caught the silver splinter lodged in flesh. His thumb traveled up from Jesse's shoulder until it was poised on the sharp edge of the plastic. Slowly, he pressed it down.

Jesse sputtered, grabbing blindly at Chazz's jacket and twisting his fingers deep in the fabric.

Then he went still.

Chazz stood, letting Jesse's lifeless arms fall limply off him onto the ground. He was distantly aware of blood seeping through the his pants, sticking the polyester to his legs. The crumpled form at his feet, so full of the desire to live and fight just moments before, now looked pathetic and worthless. Like garbage. He wanted it away from him. Moving around the body, he tucked his hands underneath its back and shoved it toward the water's edge. With the second push, it fell with a splash into the springs, giving off red tendrils that reached out in all directions across the surface of the water.

He kicked the intact duel disk in after it, watching as it immediately sunk to the bottom, and smirked.


	10. Chapter 10

CHAPTER 10

The Slifer cafeteria door slid to the side violently, crashing into the wall, to reveal Chazz leaning heavily against the door frame. His eye scanned the room and landed on the lone person with him; Syrus Truesdale, who sat at a table at the opposite end staring back at him.

"Oh," Syrus breathed. "You startled me."

Chazz pushed himself off the wall and sloppily wiped off his hands on his black jacket. The blood covering them was mostly crusted over by now, after the excruciatingly long walk across campus, so it just flaked off onto the fabric. He staggered inside, considering the small boy in front of him.

He never thought much about Syrus, after all he was pretty easy to ignore and, even if you happened to notice him, left very little of an impression. But here he sat, looking terrified of _nothing_ and using that squeaking voice of his to spout inane bullshit that made Chazz want to hit him. This boy, the younger brother of a person with actual accomplishments, who was presently hiding from being challenged to a big scary duel. For the first time since joining the merry band of idiots, Chazz felt something other than lukewarm acceptance toward him. He _loathed_ him.

Chazz stopped at the end of the table where Syrus sat.

He'll deal with the pipsqueak later.

Leaning forward, he put his hands on the table. "Leave."

Syrus appeared to want to argue, but went with his better judgment. He hopped up out of his chair and scampered out of the room.

Chazz walked the rest of the way to the back, into the small kitchenette where Dorothy prepared the Slifer dorm's meals. His eye itched badly but he ignored it as he banged around in the drawers, trying to find a more solid weapon that wouldn't break this time. Finding a small paring knife, he shoved it into his pocket next to his deck and stalked out of the cafeteria, leaving the door open behind him.

The sky was getting dark as he stepped back onto the pavement outside. The walk from the hot springs must have taken a lot longer than he thought. With great effort, he started across the building's exterior, to the other side where the stairs were located.

Chazz hoped that Syrus didn't return to his dorm when he ran off, and was thankfully greeted with an empty room when he finally pushed the door open. This was fine. He started inside but stumbled again, gripping the desk to catch himself and knocking various items onto the floor. He didn't pay attention to what any of it was. More quietly, he righted himself and situated his body behind the ajar door. With luck, this wouldn't take long.

Although luck was something not often on his side.

His memories were fuzzy, but he could recall overseeing the Society of Light's abduction of Solomon Muto in Domino City last year. It didn't seem too difficult. Sure, there was only one of him and half a dozen students from the Society that time, but now he had surprise. And a knife. That would help.

Somewhere around five minutes passed, and Chazz felt himself sway more on his feet. His head hurt and the eye underneath bandages threatened to distract him with constant shearing pain.

Finally, the door swung toward him and he heard a single pair of feet walk inside the room.

Jaden sighed. "Dang it, Evan, you broke into my room last week! This is quick turnaround, even for you." He strode toward the mess Chazz made and kneeled over.

Sensing the opportunity, Chazz stepped forward and slammed the door shut, locking it.

He saw Jaden spin around before the world went completely black.

"Chazz?"

He opened his eye.

For a moment, he was at a loss at what was going on. Unfamiliar ceiling. Jaden Yuki's concerned expression floating above his face. He heard himself make a retching noise as vomit threatened to escape his mouth.

"Whoa, dude," Jaden put a gentle hand on his shoulder to keep him on the floor. "You passed out. Are you oka—"

Chazz's hands flew up to the other boy's throat.

A strange noise emitted from Jaden's mouth as the wind was knocked out of him.

He ignored his churning stomach and throbbing head, concentrating on pushing himself up and toward Jaden with one leg while maintaining his grip. Landing on his knees and knocking the other boy backwards, he threw them both sideways across the floor toward the bunkbeds. His aim proved true as Jaden's head slammed down onto the wooden bed frame, and he went motionless on impact.

Chazz collapsed onto the floor to regain his breath. The struggle lasted fewer than ten seconds but it took almost everything out of him. Jaden was larger than him, heavier than Chazz anticipated. If Jaden had been quick witted for once in his life he would have been overcome easily.

Rolling over onto his side, he realized he needed to work fast, before Jaden had a chance to wake up. He had no idea how long these things usually took. He stood and ripped the sheet off the bottom bunk, using the paring knife to cut it into ribbons. Then he moved the desk chair to the middle of the room and hoisted Jaden's lifeless form onto it. After he felt the other was sufficiently tied to prevent escape, he sat on the floor against the counter, his legs drawn up to his chest, and busied himself with using the knife to clean blood from underneath his fingernails.

The nausea was getting bad again, but he didn't have anything for that. Just as he reached into his pocket to get the next best thing, Jaden stirred.

"Wha… why can't I move?"

Chazz rolled his eye, opening the bottle of painkillers with unsteady fingers. "You're tied to a chair. Obviously."

"You really hurt my neck…" Jaden lifted his head, surveying his surroundings. "Chazz?"

"Where's your water?"

Jaden just stared before jerking his head to the cabinets Chazz was leaning against. He opened one and pulled out a fresh bottle, taking a swig along with however many pills fell into his open palm.

"Did… did you do this? Why?"

"If you're going to ask stupid questions we'll be here all night," Chazz snapped.

Jaden waited, but he didn't intend to elaborate further. When Jaden finally seemed to realize that, he let his eyes travel to the knife. "Why do you have that?" He asked timidly, clarity evidently returning to his mind.

"Oh that," Chazz waved it lazily in the air, a smile twitching on his lips. "That's for later. By the way… don't think about screaming because I have a gag ready if you try."

The Slifer dorm was one of the least ideal places they could be, but he sure as hell wasn't going to figure out how to drag Jaden somewhere more secluded. He'd just need to make this work.

Jaden nodded in understanding. Chazz was glad for once that he was more the type to talk someone down from an escalated situation, especially someone he considered a _friend._ Chazz could use that.

Feeling a little better, he stood and walked over to Jaden's side. The room wouldn't stay still, but getting some water helped his stomach settle down a bit.

"So, uh…" Jaden tried to sound casual, failing spectacularly in Chazz's opinion. "What do I gotta do to get out of here?"

He moved the knife to his other hand so he could root around in his jacket pocket. Deck, crumpled paper, something sticky, loose keys… "Look, I feel like shit so I'm going to keep this short. I hate you. I hate all of you—"

"Oh, you always—"

Chazz abruptly slammed his hands down on the arms of the chair, causing Jaden to jump. The handle of the knife pressed into his palm painfully. "You don't understand. I have had to live with you people for years now. Every day, I have to sit by and watch everything get handed to you. Glory. Titles. Absurd amounts of loyalty that even I would— _I'm getting to it."_

His gaze shifted to the blurry dark figure across the room off to Jaden's right.

"Chazz? Who are you talking to?"

He squeezed his eye shut. The room was getting too hot.

Too _loud._

"Both of you need to shut up so I can think."

"Is this… is this the schizophrenia?"

Chazz stood up straight and glared down at him. "Where did you hear about that?"

Jaden visibly gulped. "Is it true then? I didn't hear any duel spirits…"

"Be quiet!"

"Should we get your medicine?"

Chazz moved to put his back to the figure and wheeled the chair around so Jaden faced him again. He could still feel the presence in the room behind him but ignored it. "I am tired of you getting everything. So why don't you come down to my level."

With that, he opened his fist and dropped the object he dug from his pocket onto Jaden's lap. It was Ruby Carbuncle, bent in several places with a red stain in one corner of the card.

The gesture proved ineffective since Jaden was too dumb to figure it out.

"Why do you have one of Jesse's cards?"

He didn't have time for this.

"Wait…" Jaden leaned as far forward as his restraints would allow.

The floor tilted up toward Chazz dangerously.

"Is that blood? What happened?" Jaden's voice sounded more serious, anxious.

Why didn't his eye ever stop hurting?

"What did you do to Jesse?"

"He's dead," Chazz snapped, grabbing Jaden roughly by the hair. "You have no idea what it's like. Being gawked at by a bunch of cretins who've never seen someone with scars all over their face. You know, I can't see with this eye anymore," he vaguely indicated his eyepatch with the knife's tip. "Haven't for a while. And what was the point?"

Jaden shook his head.

"Jack shit," Chazz seethed. "I didn't get hurt saving the fucking world. Or even one person. This was done by some random asshole who didn't even have a good reason for it. No one is going to look at me and be inspired to do anything but turn away. Sometimes, Jaden — sometimes bad things just happen. I'm done being the one they happen to."

He jerked Jaden's head back and to the right.

"Wait wait you don't want to do this!"

"This is better than what I want," he smirked, positioning the knife with difficulty as the other boy struggled, trying desperately to kick him away with his poorly tied together feet. His blade made contact with the layer of skin just below his eye, creating a thin red line. "Hold still, idiot."

Apparently, he underestimated the powerful motivator that avoiding mutilation could be, because Jaden managed to pull one arm free of his restraints and shove Chazz away from him. He was already out of the chair and making a break for the door before Chazz could recover.

Never one to let something go without leaving claw marks in it, Chazz took advantage of Jaden's failure to realize it was locked to lunge at the other boy. Fighting through another wave of intense nausea, he dug his fingernails into Jaden's cheeks as he pulled him away from the door, feeling resistance as Jaden tried grabbing at the handle.

Jaden made a pitiful sound as he whirled, trying to knock Chazz off him. With all of his strength, Jaden twisted his body around and sent Chazz backwards, causing him to lose his footing and crash into the window.

Something gave way. His surroundings darkened and the ambient sounds around him shifted.

A second later, he hit solid ground.

With difficulty, he rolled onto his back. Stars, sprinkled across the blackness above him, went in and out of focus. Two moons floated above, one solid and the other transparent. Huh. He didn't think it was possible to get double vision with only one eye.

Slowly, he became aware that his leg was folded unnaturally beneath him, but he couldn't move it.

A black shape stood over him. They looked at each other for long moment before the figure turned and walked away. Chazz closed his eye, centering his attention on the shard of glass tearing alarmingly deep into his side. Fucking Slifer dorms, too cheap for halfway durable windows. He always hated that building, and now it was actively trying to kill him.

"Chazz?"

Jaden came running up to him, his feet slipping in the dewy grass.

"Oh my god, Chazz!"

He fell onto his knees next to him, grinding glass into the soil.

"You're… that's a lot of blood…"

No shit.

Hot liquid pooled up from his torso to his shoulder, which he found oddly soothing in the cool night air. His head pounded, sending out waves of pain with every heartbeat. Everything hurt. He could feel pieces of the window penetrating the back of his head, down both of his arms, across one clavicle, in his side. The stabbing pain was annoyingly familiar at this point. He was getting really, _really_ sick of broken glass.

Chazz looked up at Jaden, jaw clenched in frustration. Some villain he turned out to be. A single scratch while he was profusely bleeding from what felt like everywhere. How appropriate that he failed at this too.

"You'll be fine," Jaden was saying, hands held in front of him like he didn't know what to do with them. What kind of hero couldn't perform basic first aid? "I'll find someone and—"

"Is anyone else here?"

"No."

Chazz swallowed thickly. "Stay."

"I need to get help."

He reached out to grab Jaden's arm, missing by several inches. His hand landed with a dull thud onto the ground. Something in the grass slashed into his palm.

Jaden hesitated but settled back down beside him, movements threatening to make Chazz vomit. The rest of the world was hard enough to keep in one place.

He wished literally anyone else could be here watching him die. He missed the Ojamas. After all his persistence, they left him to himself, that unrelenting and suffocating presence he couldn't wait to finally get rid of. If he called out, they would probably come, but he didn't want to do that to them. He wished desperately that he could be alone. But if Jaden left, he'd just bring back someone else, maybe someone competent who could actually help. And Chazz really didn't want that.

This sucked. His last minutes on earth had to be spent with someone he hated, making sure he couldn't be saved. Typical.

"What happened to you?" Jaden asked sadly from somewhere in the darkness.

"…I fell out a window."

He laughed humorlessly. "I meant you… you hurting people…"

"Oh, right."

"I didn't think you could do something like…"

"Shut up," he mumbled.

Breathing was too demanding. Chazz felt like he was falling again, but the smashed glass embedded in his skin told him he was still lying on the Slifer lawn. He was going to lose consciousness, almost wanted to just so he could rest, but his desire to make sure Jaden didn't leave won out. The pain started to drift farther from his mind as he grew more numb and lightheaded. His awkwardly bent leg didn't even register any more. He coughed, feeling something warm dribble out of the side of his mouth.

"I need to find someone," Jaden insisted, panic evident in his voice. "You're bleeding really badly, and there's this big piece of glass… you'll die…"

"Don't worry," Chazz forced out. "You'll get over it."

He regarded his regrettable companion one last time, disdain swirling up from deep within the fog. Even by complete accident, Jaden got the better of him. Really, he shouldn't have expected anything different. He was always meant to fall. After all this self-assurances that this was the right path, that he needed to fight back rather than simply overcome, he walked right into the open arms of failure. He shivered violently.

 ** _"_** ** _I have a question for you, Chazz."_**

 _"_ _Shoot."_

 ** _"_** ** _You ever read fairy tales?"_**

Yeah, Chazz read fairy tales.

The hero always wins in the end.

"Chazz?" Jaden reached out and nudged his shoulder, afraid of making the injuries worse. Chazz, who had grabbed him with feverishly warm hands fewer than ten minutes before, was now alarmingly cold to the touch. "Oh no. No no no no no no."

With eyes welling with tears, Jaden leaned over his friend. "Come on, Chazz. Open your eyes, breathe, please do _something."_

The gentle shaking became panicked as each minute passed without any signs of life.

"Help," he shouted desperately. "Someone help!"

He looked down at his hands, tightly balled up into Chazz's jacket. They were covered with a layer of blood that looked almost black in the dim moonlight.

Chazz… Jesse…

Oh god.

Jaden collapsed onto the ground, littered with broken glass, as a scream tore itself out of his throat.

End


End file.
